FIC: Drabble #2 - Underthings
Jun. 1st, 2009 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leashy_bebesSo, meme drabble number 2, for brighty18 who asked for Remus/Sirius + humour. I fail at being funny in fics unless it's by accident so I hope this is ok!
Again, totally not a drabble. ~1000
Rated, probably, about PGish? Only for swearing though.
"Psst."
Remus paused for a second but then shook his head, putting the sound down to typical drafts, slipping in through the stones of the castle walls.
"Psst! Moony!"
"Padfoot?" Remus asked uncertainly, looking over his shoulder.
"Over here," Sirius' voice whispered, the sound carrying weirdly.
"Where?"
"Here. Behind the armour. Merlin's beard."
"What's – " Remus began, stopping when he leaned into the alcove to see Sirius cowering behind the suit of armour, bristling like an angry cat, wearing only a shorter-than-regulation skirt and a Slytherin tie. There were green ribbons in his hair and badly applied makeup on his face. "Oh...my god."
"Right."
"Oh, Padfoot."
"If you laugh," Sirius said tightly, "I will never go within a six foot radius of your cock ever, ever again."
"What happened?"
"Well, obviously, Slytherins happened."
"Obviously. But - "
"I was trying to sneak into Regulus' dorm. He's up to something," he added at Remus' exasperated look. "I know it."
"And then what?"
"And then some of them caught me and banished my clothes and put me in this, what do you think?"
"Oh, Padfoot..."
"Stop saying that and help me!"
"Help you how?"
"I don't know! Give me your robes or something."
"You want - but - are you wearing anything under that?"
"No, I am not. Hence why you should give me. Your sodding. Robes."
"Can't you just transfigure the skirt?"
"Tried that. They've done something to it, it won't budge. Robes, Moony."
"But..."
"No buts! I am in dire straits here, Moony. It is your duty, first as my boyfriend, and then as my fellow Marauder to give me. Your. Robes."
"Fine," Remus muttered, angling himself behind the suit of armour with Sirius. "I will never know," he groused, tapping his wand to Sirius' face and hair, getting rid of - to his mind, anyway - the worst offenders first, "how you get yourself into these things."
"Shut up! Why don't I have your robes yet?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll leave the makeup on, shall I?"
"Makeup?!"
"Yes, Padfoot."
"I hate all Slytherins," Sirius said morosely.
"I know you do. Now hold still," Remus ordered, peering closely at Sirius' eyes. "This gunk is really tough. Close your eyes."
Once the black smudges on Sirius' eyelids were mostly gone, Remus stood back and examined his face critically.
"Well. Best I can do without hexing your eyeballs out," he shrugged. "You'll need to wash your face, though."
"Robes."
"Alright, alright," Remus said, reaching for the clasp on his robes and undoing it, handing the pool of material to Sirius and straightening his shirt sleeves while he waited for Sirius to pull on the robes.
"Bit small," he commented, wriggling around awkwardly and removing the skirt, looking around for a second before dropping it in the corner of the alcove, swiftly followed by the tie.
"I could always take them back if the fit isn't to sir's liking?" Remus threatened and Sirius yelped and tightened the robes about his body.
"Do it and die, Moony."
"Come on, then," Remus said. "Let's try to get back to Gryffindor without anyone wondering why your robes are suddenly two inches too short."
"Thanks, Moony," Sirius said as they stepped out of the alcove, nudging Remus gently with his elbow.
"That's what Marauders are for," Remus chorused by rote and then glanced around before leaning in to Sirius and adding in a whisper, "and boyfriends. Obviously."
"Obviously," Sirius grinned.
Remus had just begun to think they would reach Gryffindor Tower without incident when a painfully familiar cough came from the shadows ahead of them and McGonagall appeared in front of them, arms folded and lips pressed into a tight line.
"I think you will find, Mr, Black, that you are in fact not a Prefect," she said.
"What? Oh...that's Remus'," Sirius said, looking down at the badge pinned on the robe he was still clutching tightly around himself, obviously not entirely trusting the quick binding spell he had cast of the two edges of the material.
"I am aware of that fact."
"We were practicing for Defence, and I got a bit over-enthusiastic and damaged Sirius' robes," Remus interjected smoothly.
"I see. And your...underthings?" McGonagall asked, and Remus saw the blood drain from Sirius' face as he obviously tried to convince himself their head of house had in fact not asked that question.
"Wasn't wearing any," Sirius squeaked out and Remus blinked incredulously.
"You weren't..." McGonagall started, looking as though she too regrets raising the issue.
"We've tried to tell him, Professor," Remus pointed out in earnestly, unable to keep from seeing the funny side. "He just won't listen." He ignored the slight widening of Sirius' eyes which were his only warning that there would be hell to pay for that later.
"Well. Five points from Gryffindor for being inappropriately dressed, Black."
"Yes, Professor."
"Go and change."
"Yes, Professor."
Slightly less composed-looking than usual, McGonagall turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Sirius to punch Remus hard on the upper arm.
"Fucker," he muttered and Remus rubbed the spot gingerly.
"Couldn't resist it," he said apologetically and Sirius reached out again, this time running his fingers down the inside of Remus' forearm in forgiveness.
"Moony?" he asked as they started the climb to the Tower.
"Yeah?"
"Oblivate me," he pleaded, leaning against Remus as though in shock. "Please, Moony. I need the thought of McGonagall talking about my underthings out of my head. I also need to forget I ever wore a Slytherin tie."
"What about the skirt?" Remus teased.
"What about it?"
"Want to forget that too?"
"Maybe...not entirely," Sirius admitted and Remus laughed, swatting his bum as their walk up the stairs became a run.
brighty18 who asked for Remus/Sirius + humour. I fail at being funny in fics unless it's by accident so I hope this is ok!Again, totally not a drabble. ~1000
Rated, probably, about PGish? Only for swearing though.
"Psst."
Remus paused for a second but then shook his head, putting the sound down to typical drafts, slipping in through the stones of the castle walls.
"Psst! Moony!"
"Padfoot?" Remus asked uncertainly, looking over his shoulder.
"Over here," Sirius' voice whispered, the sound carrying weirdly.
"Where?"
"Here. Behind the armour. Merlin's beard."
"What's – " Remus began, stopping when he leaned into the alcove to see Sirius cowering behind the suit of armour, bristling like an angry cat, wearing only a shorter-than-regulation skirt and a Slytherin tie. There were green ribbons in his hair and badly applied makeup on his face. "Oh...my god."
"Right."
"Oh, Padfoot."
"If you laugh," Sirius said tightly, "I will never go within a six foot radius of your cock ever, ever again."
"What happened?"
"Well, obviously, Slytherins happened."
"Obviously. But - "
"I was trying to sneak into Regulus' dorm. He's up to something," he added at Remus' exasperated look. "I know it."
"And then what?"
"And then some of them caught me and banished my clothes and put me in this, what do you think?"
"Oh, Padfoot..."
"Stop saying that and help me!"
"Help you how?"
"I don't know! Give me your robes or something."
"You want - but - are you wearing anything under that?"
"No, I am not. Hence why you should give me. Your sodding. Robes."
"Can't you just transfigure the skirt?"
"Tried that. They've done something to it, it won't budge. Robes, Moony."
"But..."
"No buts! I am in dire straits here, Moony. It is your duty, first as my boyfriend, and then as my fellow Marauder to give me. Your. Robes."
"Fine," Remus muttered, angling himself behind the suit of armour with Sirius. "I will never know," he groused, tapping his wand to Sirius' face and hair, getting rid of - to his mind, anyway - the worst offenders first, "how you get yourself into these things."
"Shut up! Why don't I have your robes yet?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll leave the makeup on, shall I?"
"Makeup?!"
"Yes, Padfoot."
"I hate all Slytherins," Sirius said morosely.
"I know you do. Now hold still," Remus ordered, peering closely at Sirius' eyes. "This gunk is really tough. Close your eyes."
Once the black smudges on Sirius' eyelids were mostly gone, Remus stood back and examined his face critically.
"Well. Best I can do without hexing your eyeballs out," he shrugged. "You'll need to wash your face, though."
"Robes."
"Alright, alright," Remus said, reaching for the clasp on his robes and undoing it, handing the pool of material to Sirius and straightening his shirt sleeves while he waited for Sirius to pull on the robes.
"Bit small," he commented, wriggling around awkwardly and removing the skirt, looking around for a second before dropping it in the corner of the alcove, swiftly followed by the tie.
"I could always take them back if the fit isn't to sir's liking?" Remus threatened and Sirius yelped and tightened the robes about his body.
"Do it and die, Moony."
"Come on, then," Remus said. "Let's try to get back to Gryffindor without anyone wondering why your robes are suddenly two inches too short."
"Thanks, Moony," Sirius said as they stepped out of the alcove, nudging Remus gently with his elbow.
"That's what Marauders are for," Remus chorused by rote and then glanced around before leaning in to Sirius and adding in a whisper, "and boyfriends. Obviously."
"Obviously," Sirius grinned.
Remus had just begun to think they would reach Gryffindor Tower without incident when a painfully familiar cough came from the shadows ahead of them and McGonagall appeared in front of them, arms folded and lips pressed into a tight line.
"I think you will find, Mr, Black, that you are in fact not a Prefect," she said.
"What? Oh...that's Remus'," Sirius said, looking down at the badge pinned on the robe he was still clutching tightly around himself, obviously not entirely trusting the quick binding spell he had cast of the two edges of the material.
"I am aware of that fact."
"We were practicing for Defence, and I got a bit over-enthusiastic and damaged Sirius' robes," Remus interjected smoothly.
"I see. And your...underthings?" McGonagall asked, and Remus saw the blood drain from Sirius' face as he obviously tried to convince himself their head of house had in fact not asked that question.
"Wasn't wearing any," Sirius squeaked out and Remus blinked incredulously.
"You weren't..." McGonagall started, looking as though she too regrets raising the issue.
"We've tried to tell him, Professor," Remus pointed out in earnestly, unable to keep from seeing the funny side. "He just won't listen." He ignored the slight widening of Sirius' eyes which were his only warning that there would be hell to pay for that later.
"Well. Five points from Gryffindor for being inappropriately dressed, Black."
"Yes, Professor."
"Go and change."
"Yes, Professor."
Slightly less composed-looking than usual, McGonagall turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Sirius to punch Remus hard on the upper arm.
"Fucker," he muttered and Remus rubbed the spot gingerly.
"Couldn't resist it," he said apologetically and Sirius reached out again, this time running his fingers down the inside of Remus' forearm in forgiveness.
"Moony?" he asked as they started the climb to the Tower.
"Yeah?"
"Oblivate me," he pleaded, leaning against Remus as though in shock. "Please, Moony. I need the thought of McGonagall talking about my underthings out of my head. I also need to forget I ever wore a Slytherin tie."
"What about the skirt?" Remus teased.
"What about it?"
"Want to forget that too?"
"Maybe...not entirely," Sirius admitted and Remus laughed, swatting his bum as their walk up the stairs became a run.
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Date: 2009-06-01 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-06-01 10:15 pm (UTC)i'm also wondering why it took remus so long to give his robes to sirius. enjoying the view? :p
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Date: 2009-06-04 07:52 am (UTC)And yeah, sneaky pervy Remus is my favourite kind :)
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Date: 2009-06-01 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-02 02:17 am (UTC)Sirius in a skirt and Slytherin tie. *and* makeup. *And* hair ribbons. I'm surprised that even Remus had the self-control to not die of laughter right there.
I sense skirt role-play in Sirius' future...
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Date: 2009-06-04 07:53 am (UTC)In my mind they were what we call Irish ribbons (curly ones!). Hee, the skirt may indeed come in handy.
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Date: 2009-06-02 10:10 am (UTC)Nice light touch with the homour - liked it.
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Date: 2009-06-02 04:57 pm (UTC)THANK YOU!!
And I don't feel TOO sorry for McGonagall considering the amount of time WE spend thinking about his underthings.
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Date: 2009-06-04 07:58 am (UTC)I'm really glad you liked it, and hey, I have actually had the thought 'I'm sure Slytherin would suit Sirius' colouring more', which is...extremely sad. But True!
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Date: 2009-06-04 12:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-04 02:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-05 03:40 am (UTC)Okay. I laughed like a sick hyena at this image.
McGonagall asking about his underwear was also just too, too much for my weakened little brain.
Very funny! *wheeze* Sirius Black Sartorial Torture masquerading as humor!
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Date: 2009-06-05 06:48 am (UTC)Poor Sirius. I do actually love him, I just like to express that love by dressing him up like a girl.
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Date: 2009-07-22 05:22 pm (UTC)This made me laugh. A lot. I love Remus in this fic. :D Well, I love Remus always, so why did I even need to tell you that.
Sorry about rambling. :D
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