FIC: Many Precious Things [3/?]
Nov. 25th, 2008 08:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leashy_bebesFINALLY!
Title: Many Precious Things [Chapter 3]
Author: Lyds
Rating: This part, soft r
Notes: Set at the sart of the summer holidays when James is 15. First little hints of T/J in the dim and distant future.
Also, this chapter kind of references one of my R/S fics. I'm not planning to make R/S a feature of this fic though.
Disclaimer: JKR's, not mine. Title is from an Elvis Costello song, When It Sings, and that's not mine either.
Words: ~4000 (this part)
Dad has the day off work, and true to form, he turfs James out of his bed first.
"Get up, lazy bones," he tells James, shaking him awake and ducking James' reflexive attempt to bat him away.
"Daaaaad," he protests, turning over and burying his face in the pillow. "It's the holidays."
"Yeah, and we're going out. Shake a leg, come on."
With a groan, James pushes himself upright and glares sleepily at Dad.
"Where're we going?" he yawns.
"Beach alright?" Dad asks, and James nods blearily. "Alright then, shift it, sunshine. Trunks, towel and sandals, downstairs in half an hour.
"Nnng," James groans, rubbing the heel of his hand over his eyes in an effort to revive himself. "Daaaad. It's early."
"It's half nine, you lazy sod," Dad laughs, picking up a few stray items of clothing from the floor and dropping them on James' head. "Anyway, we need to be back by about four in the afternoon."
"We do?" James yawns, tugging a shirt off his head and wadding it up. He throws it at Dad but Dad bats it away easily.
"Yeah, Teddy flooed this morning, he's coming to spend the night."
"Oh, alright," James nods.
"Get dressed," Dad says. "I'm going to rouse your brother and sister."
James groans again and falls back into bed for a moment, tugging the sheet over his head. Eventually though, when he hears Dad leaving Al's room to head for Lily's (he always wakes them in order of their ages, which James thinks is the most hideously unfair policy ever) he rolls out of bed. He and Al scuffle for the bathroom as they always do and after James twines his leg around Al's and tugs him sharply off balance so he has to grab at the wall behind him to stay upright, he slams the door in his brother’s face with a victorious shout.
Finally, with the usual bickering and stress, they gather in the living room a little over half an hour later.
"All set?" Dad checks, and receives a chorus of 'yes'es before Al says,
"Oh no, wait," and dashes out of the room to return with a book under his arm.
"Ravenclaw," James mutters.
"Shut up, Teddy's a Ravenclaw."
"Teddy's cool," James points out.
"Let's not start this early in the day, eh?" Dad requests. "Right, James, over here."
James crosses the room to Dad who takes hold of his arm and apparates them both to a warded apparition point on a hill above the sea. James doesn’t recognise the area.
"Where are we?"
"Devon," Dad says. "Thought you three might want to try surfing."
"Really?" James asks, thrilled.
"Yeah, I came here with Ron and Nev, and Dean and Seamus in the summer once before you guys were born, it was great. I'm pretty hopeless, though. Right, don't move an inch, I'll be back in a minute."
James bounces on the balls of his feet and stares out at the glistening sea. It looks bright blue in the morning light, and there are already a few people out on the water in small boats and on boards, even one or two windsurfers and a bloke doing something completely mental with what looks like a kite attached to a speedboat, flipping crazy loops in the air.
Dad appears back again with Lily in tow and apparates away after another 'don't move' with added 'watch your sister!'. When he gets back with Al he taps them all with sunscreening charms and they start walking down the hill. James can't help ranging ahead impatiently.
When they finally hit the beach they spread out their towels and settle down on the sand. James kicks off his sandals and pulls off his shirt, digging his toes down into the sand. If he buries them deep enough he can just about feel the damp sand underneath.
"I want ice-cream," Lily declares, all of five seconds after they’ve sat down. Her announcement is met by silence from Al, a groan from James, and a 'maybe later' from Dad. She keeps on though, and eventually Al gets to his feet and begs some muggle money off dad, leading Lily back the way they had come, towards the ice cream stand up on the road.
"Be careful," Dad calls after them, them flops down onto his back on the sand, his eyes closed.
"Alright, dad?" James asks curiously.
"Fine, son. Just knackered."
"I can't wait til I can apparate on my own."
"Nor can I," Dad jokes, and James flicks a bit of dried seaweed at him before turning, leaning back on his hand and staring out at the sea.
It's not boiling hot – this is England after all, and they've had their four blisteringly hot days already this year – but it's warm enough that people are swimming, shouting and yelling and laughing. The sun is bright and high, and there's a patch of glittering light where it hits the sea just right. It's almost painful to look at but James keeps it up until his eyes start watering. He has always loved the sea, the smell and sight and sound of it. When his eyes are stinging, he closes them and just soaks up the warmth of the day.
He doesn't mean to stare, he really doesn't. He just turns his head away from the sun because his eyes are twitching madly even under closed lids. He opens his eyes and they are in his line of sight. So. He definitely did not mean to stare. Walking along the beach towards them are two muggles a few years older than James himself, dressed in t-shirts and shorts, holding hands. It takes him a moment to realise why he can't look away. They are both boys.
The shorter of the pair, dark haired and tanned, nudges the other one playfully and says something that causes tall and blond (and bloody gorgeous, James can't help noticing) to laugh loudly. He pulls the shorter boy in and kisses his mouth, arms around his waist. The shorter boy rocks back on his heels after a second and shakes his head playfully before they walk on, a little closer to one another than before.
From nowhere, Dad taps James lightly on the shoulder.
"Stop staring," he says gently, and James' stomach drops. Does Dad know? Has he worked it out? "There's nothing wrong with it," he adds, and James feels a surge of relief.
"I know that," he says, aware that he is blushing furiously.
Dad obviously misinterprets his awkwardness, because he goes on, "Two men can love each other just as much as a man and a woman can."
"I know that," James says, and Merlin, if Dad tries to give him a talk on accepting homosexuality then James will probably be sick. For a mad second he wants to say it, just spill it out, Dad I’m gay, just like that, but he reins himself in deliberately. Not that he's not going to tell Mum and Dad. He will. At some point. Together. Not on a beach.
"You, er - James - "
"I know about Teddy," James says, and he feels an instant flash of regret because that could lead to an awkward conversation but he is just desperate for Dad to shut up right now.
"Oh. Er - "
"So - so I know that it's - that there's nothing wrong with - er. That."
"Oh. Well, good. That's - "
"Yeah," James says, and he has never been more glad to see his siblings when Lily parks herself down in the sand with a chirpy,
"Hi, Daddy, Jamie," and immediately sets about demolishing a huge ice cream which is already melting in its cone.
Albus arrives a second later, passing Dad a toffee apple and throwing one of the bags of candyfloss he's holding at James' head.
"Ta, Al," James grins, plucking the bag out of the air and tearing into it. The candyfloss is great, still slightly warm and with hard little clumps of bright pink sugar dotted through it. It doesn’t take James long to work through the bag and after that it takes him even less time to start fidgeting excitedly and casting pointed glances out to sea where people are surfing and swimming and sailing little boats.
James knows that Dad can tell how excited he is, but he still carries on chatting to Albus and Lily, crunching at the last of his toffee apple. Twenty minutes later, after Lily has petted a damp dog that trots over to them, and James has resorted to trying to flick sand into Al's candyfloss, Dad pokes James gently in the back with his toes.
"Something you wanted, James?" he asks.
"Yes! I want to go surfing!"
"Surfing?" Al asks, wrinkling his nose.
"Cool!" Lily chimes in.
"Surfing," Dad nods. "That's the plan. Sorry guys, I just like watching your brother squirm or we'd have done it ages ago."
"Well there's good parenting," James grumbles. "Boy who Lived uses son for cheap entertainment. You just wait til I tell the papers."
It's an old threat, and apparently doesn't warrant much more than a gentle cuff to the back of the head.
"Right. Come on, gang," Dad says, hustling them all to their feet and folding the towels up, shoving them into the canvas bag that he's toting over one shoulder.
Further along the beach, they find some muggles giving lessons and dad pays for them to have a couple of hours tuition while he watches from the shore. After far more talking, balancing and paddling than James had expected they were finally able to actually try surfing.
That day James learns that falling face first into water hurts far more than he'd ever imagined. He also learns that his bloody pest of a little sister is apparently a natural at all sports, not just Quidditch. She takes to it instantly, and the instructor raves about her balance and her instinct while James and Al paddle and fall, paddle and fall, over and over again. The first time James does manage to catch a wave properly it comes as such a shock that he comes off his board again, cursing softly under his breath, Lily's breathless laughter bubbling through the water in his ears.
It's still fun though, and even Al loosens up in the end, joining in James' laughter at their mutual ineptitude instead of getting all prickly like he usually does. By the time Dad cups his hands around his mouth and shouts for them to come back, James and Al are passably good, although still nowhere near as successful as Lily.
"Do we have to go right now, Dad?" Lily pleads.
"'Fraid so, princess. Teddy'll be there in about half an hour. We'll come back soon though, okay? Now I know I've got a champion on my hands."
Behind Dad and Lily's backs, James and Al roll their eyes at each other. Pausing for an ice cream each, they make their way back to the apparition point.
"Did you see me, Jamie?" Lily asks, bouncing on her toes while Dad is gone with Al.
"No, I was too busy drowning," James says. "And don't call me that."
"But you did see me?"
"Yeah, you were excellent, little sister."
"Thanks, big brother," Lily laughs, and then shouts in protest when James nudges her arm so that the hand holding her ice cream jolts up, strawberry sauce all over her face. "You're such an idiot," she says, stamping her foot and wiping the sauce from her chin, smearing it onto James' cheek.
The next second Dad is back, and just laughs at the state of them, grabs Lily's arm and disappears again.
"Very mature," he says when he gets back and James grins, letting Dad get a good grip on his wrist to apparate them both.
"I'm going for a shower," James says as soon as they get home. "Got sand in places I don't even want to think about."
"Charming," Dad says. "Hurry it up, though."
It wasn't his intention, it really wasn't, but in the shower James finds himself wrapping a soapy hand around a half-there erection, stroking it to fullness. His mind wanders through a usual morass of images and fantasies and he finds himself thinking of those boys on the beach, imagining himself in short and dark's place, imagining tall and blond kissing him, sliding a hand down the back of his swimming trunks
In James' fantasy, tall and blond pulls back, biting on James' lip as he goes before winking and shifting and it's Teddy, Teddy with his hands in James' swimming trunks, his hot erection pressing against James' hip. The shock of the image makes James come hard and fast across his hand which shakes as he washes the mess away, trying to control his breath. Shock, he thinks firmly to himself. Just the shock, just the shock, just the shock. He turns the water hotter and tries not to realise he has been shocked before and never had that sort of reaction.
Of course...of course, Teddy is good looking. He's a metamorphmagus, for crying out loud, he'd be an idiot if he wasn't good looking. But it wasn't any of the other faces James had imagined smiling down at him, it was Teddy's own, what James thinks of as his real face. Big warm brown eyes and high cheekbones and a wide, usually smiling mouth. Teddy only really messes with his hair these days, and even that is the same dark honey blond a lot of the time. He doesn't change his face the way he used to, trying out different noses, mouths and eyes, although he still does the funny faces to Lily's everlasting delight.
James groans and leans his forehead on the cool tile wall, trying not to remember a few months ago, telling Teddy you should keep your real face, I like it. He groans again and shakes his head against the tiles. James is honest with other people and himself and there is no skirting around it really, not now. He is an idiot, a freak, he is in so much trouble. He tries to tell himself that everyone does this, imagines things that turn them on strictly inside their own head, things that they would not do if they were given the chance. It's fine, he insists. Normal. Just a stupid wank and a stupid fantasy. Nothing…important.
For nothing important, the - thing that happened in the shower that James is never ever going to think about again certainly has a lasting effect on him. He is on edge, a buzzing over-the-top happiness alternating with an unshakeable ball of nerves in his stomach. Little things make him grit his teeth and he is all too aware of his unusual reactions to Teddy's oh-so-usual touches. He doesn't get hard, thank Merlin but it takes a lot of effort not to tense up and shy away from Teddy's casual hugs or shoves or hair-ruffles.
That night, at dinner, Teddy clears his throat and says,
"I have something to tell everyone." There's a weighty silence and he laughs. "It's okay, it's a good thing! I'm going travelling."
"Cool!" Albus bursts out, as though he can't help himself, and Teddy flashes him a smile.
"How long for?" James asks casually.
"Four months," Teddy says. "Well, three with the boys, one on my own."
"On your own?" Mum asks, and for once James is grateful that she's such a worrier about them, if only because it means he doesn't have to ask the question himself. "Will you be alright?"
"Teddy can take care of himself, Gin, he'll be fine," Dad says. "I think it's a brilliant idea, Ted. Me and Ron talked about doing a bit of travelling but we never got round to it."
"Well, Mark's getting married next year, Ian's decided to go to muggle university, and Richard's going to take the test to get into the aurors when we get back, so if we don't do it now we probably never will."
"Where are you going?" Lily asks.
"New Zealand, the Caribbean, and the United States with the boys. Maybe Canada if we have time. I'm not sure where I'll go on my own. Except St. Petersburg."
"Where?" Lily frowns.
"It's in Russia," Albus tells her. "I'm so jealous. Dad, can we go travelling?"
"Of course we can," Harry says.
"Really!"
"Of course, I'm sure work won't mind, and school wouldn't miss you at all."
"Oh, Dad," Al groans. "Not fair."
"Idiot," James mutters.
"Shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"Oi!" Dad calls, and James settles for kicking Al under the table. "When are you leaving, Teddy?"
"In a couple of weeks."
"What?" James asks, distracted from his undercover war with his brother. "That's really soon!"
"I know, but it was such a big chunk of time off work I had to take whatever the boss offered me," Teddy explains.
"Will you write to me?" Lily asks.
"I'll write to all of you," Teddy promises.
"No, to me," Lily says. "I want a postcard from St. Petersburg."
"Lily, he's going on holiday, he doesn't want to spend all his time writing postcards," Mum says, and Lily pouts.
"I'll see about some postcards each when you're back at school, alright?" Teddy offers.
"Alright," Lily concedes.
"Why St. Petersburg, Teddy?" Dad asks.
"I'm not sure," Teddy shrugs. "It just really grabs me. It's very beautiful. I found a picture in a case of my dad's stuff and..." He shrugs again and in spite of the hundred and one thoughts already tearing through his head, James is aware enough to listen carefully. Teddy rarely talks about either of his parents. "When I was younger, I just thought it looked nice, but as I got older I started thinking - maybe he wanted to go there, and he won't have been able to, so I thought - maybe I should."
"I think he'd really like that, Teddy," Dad says, and James can't help noticing the way Teddy's face relaxes slightly at Dad's approval. It's sweet really, and James sometimes thinks that Teddy still needs Dad, no matter that he's nearly twenty two.
"Whereabouts in America?" Mum asks, and James zones out a bit. Four months! He doesn't think he's ever gone four months without seeing Teddy. Although given - that thing he's not going to think about, it might not be an entirely terrible idea. The idea still fills James with a strange kind of dread though, and he looks up to where Teddy is chatting with Mum about America and his travel plans. He laughs at something Mum says and James feels his stomach tighten and plummet.
Bloody fucking hell, he thinks despairingly. I have a crush on my sodding godbrother.
Thinking it like that makes it all too real, and James can't look at Teddy properly for the rest of the night. It makes him shiver and flush all at the same time and he doesn't even offer his usual what's the point when we have magic protest when Mum announces it's his turn to do the dishes.
He switches off his brain while he cleans the plates and jumps a little when the kitchen door opens.
"Hey," Teddy says, crossing to the sink and starting to dry the plates James has cleaned.
"Alright," James nods, trying not to blush because Teddy is right next to him, and James could count on one hand the hours that have passed since the thought of Teddy made him come.
"What's wrong?" Teddy asks, without any preamble.
"Nothing," James says, stalling even though he knows it's useless to try with Teddy. "I'm just going to miss you, that's all," James says abruptly and is rewarded with a warm smile.
"I'll miss you too," Teddy says, and James' stomach flip-flops even though he knows it's completely stupid. He can't think of anything to say and the silence stretches on and on, broken only by the sound of Teddy stacking the dry plates.
Say something, Potter! James thinks wildly. Say something, say anything!
"Teddy, do you have - someone?"
Not that, not that!
"Someone?" Teddy teases. "D'you mean a boyfriend?"
"No. Shut up. Do you?"
"Not at the moment. Not really." Teddy shrugs. “I was sort of seeing this bloke, but – well, it was never very serious, and it definitely won't last though me buggering off for four months. It's alright though. Not serious, like I said. What about you? Is Jack - "
"God, no," James laughs. "That's not - I don't think I even really - it's like it was just because he was - " He can't quite find the words and looks to Teddy for some help.
"Just there? Always around? Always close?" Teddy suggests, and James nods.
"That's it, exactly. He's my best mate in the world and we're so close that it was just - "
"I get it," Teddy assures him. "Naturally, I'll have to murder you if this gets any further, but I had a bit of thing for Ian once."
"Urgh," James says, wrinkling his nose. Teddy's muggleborn friend is short (not much taller than James, who has decided that if he doesn't have a growth spurt in the next six months he'll help it along with some magic) with dark curls, and a big nose. He is wickedly funny and clever, but not even a bit good looking as far as James can tell.
"Well, I know that now," Teddy jokes. "Remember what I said about murdering you. You and Jack are still friends?" Teddy checks and James nods. "That's good. It can be awkward, I know, but you're better with a friend than a lover in the long run."
"Always?" James asks. "You mean you'll never - " he blushes again, an increasingly frequent reaction around Teddy, and he hates it.
"No!" Teddy laughs. "Don't be daft. I just mean - most of the time it's not worth the risk, that's all. Not if you really care about someone."
"Well. You're really building this whole sex thing up wonderfully," James says. Teddy throws his head back and laughs and James has to drag his eyes away from the long elegant column of Teddy's neck.
"Oh, James," he says fondly. "You are funny."
"Seriously though," James says, still dwelling on Teddy's comments. "How can it be less worth it the more you care about someone?"
"I didn't say that," Teddy protests.
"Not in so many words," James admits. "As good as, though."
"I - you shouldn't listen to me about stuff like this. I think maybe I'm just a bit dysfunctional," Teddy jokes and James knows that's his cue to drop it so he does. He can't help thinking about it though, vaguely wondering if Teddy has been hurt in the past, or if he's just a great big wuss.
"Listen, I better go," Teddy says regretfully, looking at his watch.
"Alright. Will you come and see us before you leave?"
"I don't know. I will if I get time, but I'm going to be really rushed. I'll try."
"Okay. Well - have fun, yeah?"
"I will," Teddy says. "And I'll write. I promise."
"Alright," James says, and he barely has time to feel awkward before Teddy pulls him into a tight hug, slapping him on the back.
"Really going to miss you, kid," Teddy says and James slaps his hand away before Teddy can ruffle his hair.
>>interludes 4&5
Title: Many Precious Things [Chapter 3]
Author: Lyds
Rating: This part, soft r
Notes: Set at the sart of the summer holidays when James is 15. First little hints of T/J in the dim and distant future.
Also, this chapter kind of references one of my R/S fics. I'm not planning to make R/S a feature of this fic though.
Disclaimer: JKR's, not mine. Title is from an Elvis Costello song, When It Sings, and that's not mine either.
Words: ~4000 (this part)
Dad has the day off work, and true to form, he turfs James out of his bed first.
"Get up, lazy bones," he tells James, shaking him awake and ducking James' reflexive attempt to bat him away.
"Daaaaad," he protests, turning over and burying his face in the pillow. "It's the holidays."
"Yeah, and we're going out. Shake a leg, come on."
With a groan, James pushes himself upright and glares sleepily at Dad.
"Where're we going?" he yawns.
"Beach alright?" Dad asks, and James nods blearily. "Alright then, shift it, sunshine. Trunks, towel and sandals, downstairs in half an hour.
"Nnng," James groans, rubbing the heel of his hand over his eyes in an effort to revive himself. "Daaaad. It's early."
"It's half nine, you lazy sod," Dad laughs, picking up a few stray items of clothing from the floor and dropping them on James' head. "Anyway, we need to be back by about four in the afternoon."
"We do?" James yawns, tugging a shirt off his head and wadding it up. He throws it at Dad but Dad bats it away easily.
"Yeah, Teddy flooed this morning, he's coming to spend the night."
"Oh, alright," James nods.
"Get dressed," Dad says. "I'm going to rouse your brother and sister."
James groans again and falls back into bed for a moment, tugging the sheet over his head. Eventually though, when he hears Dad leaving Al's room to head for Lily's (he always wakes them in order of their ages, which James thinks is the most hideously unfair policy ever) he rolls out of bed. He and Al scuffle for the bathroom as they always do and after James twines his leg around Al's and tugs him sharply off balance so he has to grab at the wall behind him to stay upright, he slams the door in his brother’s face with a victorious shout.
Finally, with the usual bickering and stress, they gather in the living room a little over half an hour later.
"All set?" Dad checks, and receives a chorus of 'yes'es before Al says,
"Oh no, wait," and dashes out of the room to return with a book under his arm.
"Ravenclaw," James mutters.
"Shut up, Teddy's a Ravenclaw."
"Teddy's cool," James points out.
"Let's not start this early in the day, eh?" Dad requests. "Right, James, over here."
James crosses the room to Dad who takes hold of his arm and apparates them both to a warded apparition point on a hill above the sea. James doesn’t recognise the area.
"Where are we?"
"Devon," Dad says. "Thought you three might want to try surfing."
"Really?" James asks, thrilled.
"Yeah, I came here with Ron and Nev, and Dean and Seamus in the summer once before you guys were born, it was great. I'm pretty hopeless, though. Right, don't move an inch, I'll be back in a minute."
James bounces on the balls of his feet and stares out at the glistening sea. It looks bright blue in the morning light, and there are already a few people out on the water in small boats and on boards, even one or two windsurfers and a bloke doing something completely mental with what looks like a kite attached to a speedboat, flipping crazy loops in the air.
Dad appears back again with Lily in tow and apparates away after another 'don't move' with added 'watch your sister!'. When he gets back with Al he taps them all with sunscreening charms and they start walking down the hill. James can't help ranging ahead impatiently.
When they finally hit the beach they spread out their towels and settle down on the sand. James kicks off his sandals and pulls off his shirt, digging his toes down into the sand. If he buries them deep enough he can just about feel the damp sand underneath.
"I want ice-cream," Lily declares, all of five seconds after they’ve sat down. Her announcement is met by silence from Al, a groan from James, and a 'maybe later' from Dad. She keeps on though, and eventually Al gets to his feet and begs some muggle money off dad, leading Lily back the way they had come, towards the ice cream stand up on the road.
"Be careful," Dad calls after them, them flops down onto his back on the sand, his eyes closed.
"Alright, dad?" James asks curiously.
"Fine, son. Just knackered."
"I can't wait til I can apparate on my own."
"Nor can I," Dad jokes, and James flicks a bit of dried seaweed at him before turning, leaning back on his hand and staring out at the sea.
It's not boiling hot – this is England after all, and they've had their four blisteringly hot days already this year – but it's warm enough that people are swimming, shouting and yelling and laughing. The sun is bright and high, and there's a patch of glittering light where it hits the sea just right. It's almost painful to look at but James keeps it up until his eyes start watering. He has always loved the sea, the smell and sight and sound of it. When his eyes are stinging, he closes them and just soaks up the warmth of the day.
He doesn't mean to stare, he really doesn't. He just turns his head away from the sun because his eyes are twitching madly even under closed lids. He opens his eyes and they are in his line of sight. So. He definitely did not mean to stare. Walking along the beach towards them are two muggles a few years older than James himself, dressed in t-shirts and shorts, holding hands. It takes him a moment to realise why he can't look away. They are both boys.
The shorter of the pair, dark haired and tanned, nudges the other one playfully and says something that causes tall and blond (and bloody gorgeous, James can't help noticing) to laugh loudly. He pulls the shorter boy in and kisses his mouth, arms around his waist. The shorter boy rocks back on his heels after a second and shakes his head playfully before they walk on, a little closer to one another than before.
From nowhere, Dad taps James lightly on the shoulder.
"Stop staring," he says gently, and James' stomach drops. Does Dad know? Has he worked it out? "There's nothing wrong with it," he adds, and James feels a surge of relief.
"I know that," he says, aware that he is blushing furiously.
Dad obviously misinterprets his awkwardness, because he goes on, "Two men can love each other just as much as a man and a woman can."
"I know that," James says, and Merlin, if Dad tries to give him a talk on accepting homosexuality then James will probably be sick. For a mad second he wants to say it, just spill it out, Dad I’m gay, just like that, but he reins himself in deliberately. Not that he's not going to tell Mum and Dad. He will. At some point. Together. Not on a beach.
"You, er - James - "
"I know about Teddy," James says, and he feels an instant flash of regret because that could lead to an awkward conversation but he is just desperate for Dad to shut up right now.
"Oh. Er - "
"So - so I know that it's - that there's nothing wrong with - er. That."
"Oh. Well, good. That's - "
"Yeah," James says, and he has never been more glad to see his siblings when Lily parks herself down in the sand with a chirpy,
"Hi, Daddy, Jamie," and immediately sets about demolishing a huge ice cream which is already melting in its cone.
Albus arrives a second later, passing Dad a toffee apple and throwing one of the bags of candyfloss he's holding at James' head.
"Ta, Al," James grins, plucking the bag out of the air and tearing into it. The candyfloss is great, still slightly warm and with hard little clumps of bright pink sugar dotted through it. It doesn’t take James long to work through the bag and after that it takes him even less time to start fidgeting excitedly and casting pointed glances out to sea where people are surfing and swimming and sailing little boats.
James knows that Dad can tell how excited he is, but he still carries on chatting to Albus and Lily, crunching at the last of his toffee apple. Twenty minutes later, after Lily has petted a damp dog that trots over to them, and James has resorted to trying to flick sand into Al's candyfloss, Dad pokes James gently in the back with his toes.
"Something you wanted, James?" he asks.
"Yes! I want to go surfing!"
"Surfing?" Al asks, wrinkling his nose.
"Cool!" Lily chimes in.
"Surfing," Dad nods. "That's the plan. Sorry guys, I just like watching your brother squirm or we'd have done it ages ago."
"Well there's good parenting," James grumbles. "Boy who Lived uses son for cheap entertainment. You just wait til I tell the papers."
It's an old threat, and apparently doesn't warrant much more than a gentle cuff to the back of the head.
"Right. Come on, gang," Dad says, hustling them all to their feet and folding the towels up, shoving them into the canvas bag that he's toting over one shoulder.
Further along the beach, they find some muggles giving lessons and dad pays for them to have a couple of hours tuition while he watches from the shore. After far more talking, balancing and paddling than James had expected they were finally able to actually try surfing.
That day James learns that falling face first into water hurts far more than he'd ever imagined. He also learns that his bloody pest of a little sister is apparently a natural at all sports, not just Quidditch. She takes to it instantly, and the instructor raves about her balance and her instinct while James and Al paddle and fall, paddle and fall, over and over again. The first time James does manage to catch a wave properly it comes as such a shock that he comes off his board again, cursing softly under his breath, Lily's breathless laughter bubbling through the water in his ears.
It's still fun though, and even Al loosens up in the end, joining in James' laughter at their mutual ineptitude instead of getting all prickly like he usually does. By the time Dad cups his hands around his mouth and shouts for them to come back, James and Al are passably good, although still nowhere near as successful as Lily.
"Do we have to go right now, Dad?" Lily pleads.
"'Fraid so, princess. Teddy'll be there in about half an hour. We'll come back soon though, okay? Now I know I've got a champion on my hands."
Behind Dad and Lily's backs, James and Al roll their eyes at each other. Pausing for an ice cream each, they make their way back to the apparition point.
"Did you see me, Jamie?" Lily asks, bouncing on her toes while Dad is gone with Al.
"No, I was too busy drowning," James says. "And don't call me that."
"But you did see me?"
"Yeah, you were excellent, little sister."
"Thanks, big brother," Lily laughs, and then shouts in protest when James nudges her arm so that the hand holding her ice cream jolts up, strawberry sauce all over her face. "You're such an idiot," she says, stamping her foot and wiping the sauce from her chin, smearing it onto James' cheek.
The next second Dad is back, and just laughs at the state of them, grabs Lily's arm and disappears again.
"Very mature," he says when he gets back and James grins, letting Dad get a good grip on his wrist to apparate them both.
"I'm going for a shower," James says as soon as they get home. "Got sand in places I don't even want to think about."
"Charming," Dad says. "Hurry it up, though."
It wasn't his intention, it really wasn't, but in the shower James finds himself wrapping a soapy hand around a half-there erection, stroking it to fullness. His mind wanders through a usual morass of images and fantasies and he finds himself thinking of those boys on the beach, imagining himself in short and dark's place, imagining tall and blond kissing him, sliding a hand down the back of his swimming trunks
In James' fantasy, tall and blond pulls back, biting on James' lip as he goes before winking and shifting and it's Teddy, Teddy with his hands in James' swimming trunks, his hot erection pressing against James' hip. The shock of the image makes James come hard and fast across his hand which shakes as he washes the mess away, trying to control his breath. Shock, he thinks firmly to himself. Just the shock, just the shock, just the shock. He turns the water hotter and tries not to realise he has been shocked before and never had that sort of reaction.
Of course...of course, Teddy is good looking. He's a metamorphmagus, for crying out loud, he'd be an idiot if he wasn't good looking. But it wasn't any of the other faces James had imagined smiling down at him, it was Teddy's own, what James thinks of as his real face. Big warm brown eyes and high cheekbones and a wide, usually smiling mouth. Teddy only really messes with his hair these days, and even that is the same dark honey blond a lot of the time. He doesn't change his face the way he used to, trying out different noses, mouths and eyes, although he still does the funny faces to Lily's everlasting delight.
James groans and leans his forehead on the cool tile wall, trying not to remember a few months ago, telling Teddy you should keep your real face, I like it. He groans again and shakes his head against the tiles. James is honest with other people and himself and there is no skirting around it really, not now. He is an idiot, a freak, he is in so much trouble. He tries to tell himself that everyone does this, imagines things that turn them on strictly inside their own head, things that they would not do if they were given the chance. It's fine, he insists. Normal. Just a stupid wank and a stupid fantasy. Nothing…important.
For nothing important, the - thing that happened in the shower that James is never ever going to think about again certainly has a lasting effect on him. He is on edge, a buzzing over-the-top happiness alternating with an unshakeable ball of nerves in his stomach. Little things make him grit his teeth and he is all too aware of his unusual reactions to Teddy's oh-so-usual touches. He doesn't get hard, thank Merlin but it takes a lot of effort not to tense up and shy away from Teddy's casual hugs or shoves or hair-ruffles.
That night, at dinner, Teddy clears his throat and says,
"I have something to tell everyone." There's a weighty silence and he laughs. "It's okay, it's a good thing! I'm going travelling."
"Cool!" Albus bursts out, as though he can't help himself, and Teddy flashes him a smile.
"How long for?" James asks casually.
"Four months," Teddy says. "Well, three with the boys, one on my own."
"On your own?" Mum asks, and for once James is grateful that she's such a worrier about them, if only because it means he doesn't have to ask the question himself. "Will you be alright?"
"Teddy can take care of himself, Gin, he'll be fine," Dad says. "I think it's a brilliant idea, Ted. Me and Ron talked about doing a bit of travelling but we never got round to it."
"Well, Mark's getting married next year, Ian's decided to go to muggle university, and Richard's going to take the test to get into the aurors when we get back, so if we don't do it now we probably never will."
"Where are you going?" Lily asks.
"New Zealand, the Caribbean, and the United States with the boys. Maybe Canada if we have time. I'm not sure where I'll go on my own. Except St. Petersburg."
"Where?" Lily frowns.
"It's in Russia," Albus tells her. "I'm so jealous. Dad, can we go travelling?"
"Of course we can," Harry says.
"Really!"
"Of course, I'm sure work won't mind, and school wouldn't miss you at all."
"Oh, Dad," Al groans. "Not fair."
"Idiot," James mutters.
"Shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"Oi!" Dad calls, and James settles for kicking Al under the table. "When are you leaving, Teddy?"
"In a couple of weeks."
"What?" James asks, distracted from his undercover war with his brother. "That's really soon!"
"I know, but it was such a big chunk of time off work I had to take whatever the boss offered me," Teddy explains.
"Will you write to me?" Lily asks.
"I'll write to all of you," Teddy promises.
"No, to me," Lily says. "I want a postcard from St. Petersburg."
"Lily, he's going on holiday, he doesn't want to spend all his time writing postcards," Mum says, and Lily pouts.
"I'll see about some postcards each when you're back at school, alright?" Teddy offers.
"Alright," Lily concedes.
"Why St. Petersburg, Teddy?" Dad asks.
"I'm not sure," Teddy shrugs. "It just really grabs me. It's very beautiful. I found a picture in a case of my dad's stuff and..." He shrugs again and in spite of the hundred and one thoughts already tearing through his head, James is aware enough to listen carefully. Teddy rarely talks about either of his parents. "When I was younger, I just thought it looked nice, but as I got older I started thinking - maybe he wanted to go there, and he won't have been able to, so I thought - maybe I should."
"I think he'd really like that, Teddy," Dad says, and James can't help noticing the way Teddy's face relaxes slightly at Dad's approval. It's sweet really, and James sometimes thinks that Teddy still needs Dad, no matter that he's nearly twenty two.
"Whereabouts in America?" Mum asks, and James zones out a bit. Four months! He doesn't think he's ever gone four months without seeing Teddy. Although given - that thing he's not going to think about, it might not be an entirely terrible idea. The idea still fills James with a strange kind of dread though, and he looks up to where Teddy is chatting with Mum about America and his travel plans. He laughs at something Mum says and James feels his stomach tighten and plummet.
Bloody fucking hell, he thinks despairingly. I have a crush on my sodding godbrother.
Thinking it like that makes it all too real, and James can't look at Teddy properly for the rest of the night. It makes him shiver and flush all at the same time and he doesn't even offer his usual what's the point when we have magic protest when Mum announces it's his turn to do the dishes.
He switches off his brain while he cleans the plates and jumps a little when the kitchen door opens.
"Hey," Teddy says, crossing to the sink and starting to dry the plates James has cleaned.
"Alright," James nods, trying not to blush because Teddy is right next to him, and James could count on one hand the hours that have passed since the thought of Teddy made him come.
"What's wrong?" Teddy asks, without any preamble.
"Nothing," James says, stalling even though he knows it's useless to try with Teddy. "I'm just going to miss you, that's all," James says abruptly and is rewarded with a warm smile.
"I'll miss you too," Teddy says, and James' stomach flip-flops even though he knows it's completely stupid. He can't think of anything to say and the silence stretches on and on, broken only by the sound of Teddy stacking the dry plates.
Say something, Potter! James thinks wildly. Say something, say anything!
"Teddy, do you have - someone?"
Not that, not that!
"Someone?" Teddy teases. "D'you mean a boyfriend?"
"No. Shut up. Do you?"
"Not at the moment. Not really." Teddy shrugs. “I was sort of seeing this bloke, but – well, it was never very serious, and it definitely won't last though me buggering off for four months. It's alright though. Not serious, like I said. What about you? Is Jack - "
"God, no," James laughs. "That's not - I don't think I even really - it's like it was just because he was - " He can't quite find the words and looks to Teddy for some help.
"Just there? Always around? Always close?" Teddy suggests, and James nods.
"That's it, exactly. He's my best mate in the world and we're so close that it was just - "
"I get it," Teddy assures him. "Naturally, I'll have to murder you if this gets any further, but I had a bit of thing for Ian once."
"Urgh," James says, wrinkling his nose. Teddy's muggleborn friend is short (not much taller than James, who has decided that if he doesn't have a growth spurt in the next six months he'll help it along with some magic) with dark curls, and a big nose. He is wickedly funny and clever, but not even a bit good looking as far as James can tell.
"Well, I know that now," Teddy jokes. "Remember what I said about murdering you. You and Jack are still friends?" Teddy checks and James nods. "That's good. It can be awkward, I know, but you're better with a friend than a lover in the long run."
"Always?" James asks. "You mean you'll never - " he blushes again, an increasingly frequent reaction around Teddy, and he hates it.
"No!" Teddy laughs. "Don't be daft. I just mean - most of the time it's not worth the risk, that's all. Not if you really care about someone."
"Well. You're really building this whole sex thing up wonderfully," James says. Teddy throws his head back and laughs and James has to drag his eyes away from the long elegant column of Teddy's neck.
"Oh, James," he says fondly. "You are funny."
"Seriously though," James says, still dwelling on Teddy's comments. "How can it be less worth it the more you care about someone?"
"I didn't say that," Teddy protests.
"Not in so many words," James admits. "As good as, though."
"I - you shouldn't listen to me about stuff like this. I think maybe I'm just a bit dysfunctional," Teddy jokes and James knows that's his cue to drop it so he does. He can't help thinking about it though, vaguely wondering if Teddy has been hurt in the past, or if he's just a great big wuss.
"Listen, I better go," Teddy says regretfully, looking at his watch.
"Alright. Will you come and see us before you leave?"
"I don't know. I will if I get time, but I'm going to be really rushed. I'll try."
"Okay. Well - have fun, yeah?"
"I will," Teddy says. "And I'll write. I promise."
"Alright," James says, and he barely has time to feel awkward before Teddy pulls him into a tight hug, slapping him on the back.
"Really going to miss you, kid," Teddy says and James slaps his hand away before Teddy can ruffle his hair.
>>interludes 4&5
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no subject
Date: 2008-11-25 04:46 pm (UTC)And James' "Coming out" to Harry (or not) was perfect, too.
This bit was funny: "Well there's good parenting," James grumbles. "Boy who Lived uses son for cheap entertainment. You just wait til I tell the papers." You do a wonderful job combining humor and sweetness and love!
Oh, and I adore your Albus. Yeah, he's kinda swotty, but it was lovely that he ran to get Lily ice-cream. What a great kid!
And, you know, I've always though that Harry would be a good surfer. In fact, anyone who can balance on broom should be able to balance on a board. (Yet another reason why I could never play Quidditch!)
I need to write more Teddy/James, but I'm wallowing in fest fics! Meh!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-25 08:13 pm (UTC)And yeah, he should be good at surfing! Well, he would be better than me. I have pretty much zero physical co-ordination and that's a circumstance in which you really need some lol.
And you do! Write, write, write!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-25 05:00 pm (UTC)I absolutely loved this, "Boy who Lived uses son for cheap entertainment"
Can't wait for the next update. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-25 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-25 06:25 pm (UTC)Anyway, that was perfect.
Especially the moment between Harry and James in the beach.
And the ending - it's always trouble with endings for me, and this was wonderful, kind of, I don't know... ends it? ;D
And, yeah, the 'cheap entertainment', was cool :]
no subject
Date: 2008-11-25 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-26 02:46 pm (UTC)Anyway, reading makes up for waiting. Always.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-01 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-01 09:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-27 04:36 am (UTC)This made me laugh and laugh and laugh. And then want to cry. And then laugh again.
This whole chapter is great. The characterizations are super. James on the precipice of growing up, old enough to want, not old enough to get. It's just lovely. And Lily as the natural sports genius is a great touch.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-27 08:03 am (UTC)