FIC: Every Love and Each Regret 3.6
Aug. 2nd, 2008 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leashy_bebesEvery Love and Each Regret
Part 3, Chapter 6
Lyrics from Little Steven and the Disciples of Soul's Inside of me (Second song down)
That's it! Finished!
This part rated R.
even if it's all over don't ever say it was all in vain
don't tell me everything we believed in's been washed away
because i know it still remains
it still remains, because i'm still the same
and there ain't nothing gonna change my mind
cause i've spent my whole life trying to find
something i know i need but can't define
everything i've ever wanted is here baby
Soft lips working against his neck wake Sirius slowly in the morning. He stays in the pleasant haze between sleep and waking as a hand roves over his chest.
"I know you're awake," Remus rumbles against his neck.
"Mmm," Sirius admits. "Morning."
"Morning, love," Remus says and Sirius considers gloating for a moment about how right he was - comfortable is its own brand of brilliant. Remus eases Sirius out of the t-shirt and underwear he's slept in and presses against him.
"Mmm, naked," Sirius purrs incoherently and Remus laughs into his shoulder.
"I am," he confirms. "I'm also really glad you talked me into this."
"Course," Sirius shrugs, finally waking up enough to lean up and kiss Remus breathlessly. He opens his mouth intending to tease that he could talk Remus into or out of anything and instead hears himself ask, “Will you fuck me, please?”
Remus shudders against him, bites his neck, and shakes his head.
“It’s early but it’s not that early. I reckon we’ve got about half an hour til his nibs wakes up, judging by how excited he was yesterday.”
Sirius groans and buries his head back in the pillow. “S’long enough,” he suggests, tugging Remus over him.
“Not for what I’ve got in mind,” Remus promises and Sirius smirks up at him.
“S’that my present?”
“Maybe,” Remus says coyly, draping himself around Sirius and dotting a meandering path down his chest with his fingertips. “Love it when you’re all sleepy like this,” Remus confesses.
“Freak,” Sirius sniffs. “Just wanna manhandle me when I can’t say no.”
“Because you say no a lot,” Remus says, rolling his eyes and spreading his fingers through the sparse hairs on Sirius’ chest.
“Not t’you,” Sirius admits, humming in pleasure as Remus tweaks one nipple at the same time as he kisses Sirius’ stubbly jaw. Sirius seems to wake up all at once at that, and he rears up under Remus’ hands, pushing him onto his back and kissing him fiercely.
He starts working his way down Remus’ body but Remus raises his legs, presses them into Sirius’ waist, trapping him.
“Just – oh – ” Remus’ eyes squeeze shut then fly wide open and Sirius watches him reach out to the side and clench his fists in the sheets.
“State of you,” Sirius laughs affectionately. “How long have you been lying there wanking over your unconscious prey, you dirty bugger?”
“You don’t – wanna know,” Remus grits out, abandoning the sheets to wrap his arms around Sirius instead. In frustration, he digs his nails into Sirius’ spine. “Will you move, please?” he snaps and Sirius just laughs, leaning down for a kiss in a motion that makes Remus whine and arch up against him.
Sirius knows how much Remus loves this, the all over contact, the weight bearing him down into the bed, sweat gradually easing their friction. Sirius slides against Remus in a deliberately stuttering motion and Remus makes another frustrated, needy moan.
“Do it properly,” he orders. Sirius laughs and calls him a bossy bastard but does get on with it, taking some of his weight on his hands and staring down at Remus’ face as it gradually flushes. Sirius can feel the hard, hot length of Remus’ erection against his hip, and his own is sliding deliciously through crisp hair and over smooth skin. Remus hooks a hand around the back of Sirius’ neck, pulls him down into a gasping kiss and throws one leg across Sirius’ back. It restricts his movements and he gives in, short sharp thrusts against Remus’ skin until Remus gives an overloud shout that Sirius cuts off quickly with a kiss and falls still, shivering faintly.
Sirius rests his weight on top of Remus briefly, but he’s still achingly hard and is about to turn Remus’ whines and demands right back on him when Remus pushes at him. When he reaches down and takes Sirius into his hand Sirius gives one helpless grunt. There’s nothing like this, nothing like Remus’ long, strong fingers twisting and teasing around him, nothing like the heat of his palm. Mostly though, Sirius is simply crazy about the way Remus presses his lips together and breathes fast through his nose while he does this, as though he’s trying not to moan. Remus stares as well, stares down at his hand working Sirius’ length and actually does moan a little when Sirius comes, leaning forward to kiss him before cheekily reaching round and wiping his hand on Sirius’ back.
“Vile,” Sirius mutters and Remus just smiles sweetly, kissing him again. “Happy Christmas, and all that,” he adds.
“You too,” Remus says and settles down in the crook of Sirius’ arm. They doze briefly before Sirius rolls out of bed with a groan and scourgifies them both. Five minutes later they hear excited noises from Harry’s bedroom and they both admit they’ve gone a bit overboard with presents. Sirius dresses quickly in muggle clothes and goes off to intercept Harry and start their first Christmas.
***
Hours later, Remus finds himself on the sofa with Harry pressed against him, dressed in new clothes, clutching his new snitch, new broomstick within easy read. Harry is warm and sleepy, full of food and tired out from play and excitement, when Sirius sticks his head in the room from the kitchen.
"Hey, Moony."
"Mmm?"
"Can I borrow you a minute?"
"Sure. Here, kiddo, budge up."
"Kay," Harry says sleepily, wriggling out of the crook of Remus' arm and curling up at the end of the sofa. Sirius reaches down, grabs Remus' hand and leads him to the kitchen.
"What's the matter?" Remus asks, taking in the look on Sirius' face.
"I - I'm not sure," Sirius shrugs, half turning away. "I just - I'm really happy. Never been happier, actually. And...I'm wondering if that's wrong."
"How can it be wrong to be happy?" Remus asks softly.
"Because this isn't ours," Sirius blurts out suddenly. "This isn't our life, it should be James and Lily with him on Christmas day, and the only reason we have any of this is because they died."
There's a long, still silence in which Sirius desperately wants to call back the words, because Remus looks utterly stricken. Then suddenly he crosses the room and pulls Sirius roughly against him. Sirius grasps Remus eagerly and they stand in the kitchen of their small house, breathing in the taste and the comfort and the security of each other.
"I love you," Remus says after a while, the words simple and quiet. "I love you and we will be alright."
The End
Part 3, Chapter 6
Lyrics from Little Steven and the Disciples of Soul's Inside of me (Second song down)
That's it! Finished!
This part rated R.
even if it's all over don't ever say it was all in vain
don't tell me everything we believed in's been washed away
because i know it still remains
it still remains, because i'm still the same
and there ain't nothing gonna change my mind
cause i've spent my whole life trying to find
something i know i need but can't define
everything i've ever wanted is here baby
Soft lips working against his neck wake Sirius slowly in the morning. He stays in the pleasant haze between sleep and waking as a hand roves over his chest.
"I know you're awake," Remus rumbles against his neck.
"Mmm," Sirius admits. "Morning."
"Morning, love," Remus says and Sirius considers gloating for a moment about how right he was - comfortable is its own brand of brilliant. Remus eases Sirius out of the t-shirt and underwear he's slept in and presses against him.
"Mmm, naked," Sirius purrs incoherently and Remus laughs into his shoulder.
"I am," he confirms. "I'm also really glad you talked me into this."
"Course," Sirius shrugs, finally waking up enough to lean up and kiss Remus breathlessly. He opens his mouth intending to tease that he could talk Remus into or out of anything and instead hears himself ask, “Will you fuck me, please?”
Remus shudders against him, bites his neck, and shakes his head.
“It’s early but it’s not that early. I reckon we’ve got about half an hour til his nibs wakes up, judging by how excited he was yesterday.”
Sirius groans and buries his head back in the pillow. “S’long enough,” he suggests, tugging Remus over him.
“Not for what I’ve got in mind,” Remus promises and Sirius smirks up at him.
“S’that my present?”
“Maybe,” Remus says coyly, draping himself around Sirius and dotting a meandering path down his chest with his fingertips. “Love it when you’re all sleepy like this,” Remus confesses.
“Freak,” Sirius sniffs. “Just wanna manhandle me when I can’t say no.”
“Because you say no a lot,” Remus says, rolling his eyes and spreading his fingers through the sparse hairs on Sirius’ chest.
“Not t’you,” Sirius admits, humming in pleasure as Remus tweaks one nipple at the same time as he kisses Sirius’ stubbly jaw. Sirius seems to wake up all at once at that, and he rears up under Remus’ hands, pushing him onto his back and kissing him fiercely.
He starts working his way down Remus’ body but Remus raises his legs, presses them into Sirius’ waist, trapping him.
“Just – oh – ” Remus’ eyes squeeze shut then fly wide open and Sirius watches him reach out to the side and clench his fists in the sheets.
“State of you,” Sirius laughs affectionately. “How long have you been lying there wanking over your unconscious prey, you dirty bugger?”
“You don’t – wanna know,” Remus grits out, abandoning the sheets to wrap his arms around Sirius instead. In frustration, he digs his nails into Sirius’ spine. “Will you move, please?” he snaps and Sirius just laughs, leaning down for a kiss in a motion that makes Remus whine and arch up against him.
Sirius knows how much Remus loves this, the all over contact, the weight bearing him down into the bed, sweat gradually easing their friction. Sirius slides against Remus in a deliberately stuttering motion and Remus makes another frustrated, needy moan.
“Do it properly,” he orders. Sirius laughs and calls him a bossy bastard but does get on with it, taking some of his weight on his hands and staring down at Remus’ face as it gradually flushes. Sirius can feel the hard, hot length of Remus’ erection against his hip, and his own is sliding deliciously through crisp hair and over smooth skin. Remus hooks a hand around the back of Sirius’ neck, pulls him down into a gasping kiss and throws one leg across Sirius’ back. It restricts his movements and he gives in, short sharp thrusts against Remus’ skin until Remus gives an overloud shout that Sirius cuts off quickly with a kiss and falls still, shivering faintly.
Sirius rests his weight on top of Remus briefly, but he’s still achingly hard and is about to turn Remus’ whines and demands right back on him when Remus pushes at him. When he reaches down and takes Sirius into his hand Sirius gives one helpless grunt. There’s nothing like this, nothing like Remus’ long, strong fingers twisting and teasing around him, nothing like the heat of his palm. Mostly though, Sirius is simply crazy about the way Remus presses his lips together and breathes fast through his nose while he does this, as though he’s trying not to moan. Remus stares as well, stares down at his hand working Sirius’ length and actually does moan a little when Sirius comes, leaning forward to kiss him before cheekily reaching round and wiping his hand on Sirius’ back.
“Vile,” Sirius mutters and Remus just smiles sweetly, kissing him again. “Happy Christmas, and all that,” he adds.
“You too,” Remus says and settles down in the crook of Sirius’ arm. They doze briefly before Sirius rolls out of bed with a groan and scourgifies them both. Five minutes later they hear excited noises from Harry’s bedroom and they both admit they’ve gone a bit overboard with presents. Sirius dresses quickly in muggle clothes and goes off to intercept Harry and start their first Christmas.
***
Hours later, Remus finds himself on the sofa with Harry pressed against him, dressed in new clothes, clutching his new snitch, new broomstick within easy read. Harry is warm and sleepy, full of food and tired out from play and excitement, when Sirius sticks his head in the room from the kitchen.
"Hey, Moony."
"Mmm?"
"Can I borrow you a minute?"
"Sure. Here, kiddo, budge up."
"Kay," Harry says sleepily, wriggling out of the crook of Remus' arm and curling up at the end of the sofa. Sirius reaches down, grabs Remus' hand and leads him to the kitchen.
"What's the matter?" Remus asks, taking in the look on Sirius' face.
"I - I'm not sure," Sirius shrugs, half turning away. "I just - I'm really happy. Never been happier, actually. And...I'm wondering if that's wrong."
"How can it be wrong to be happy?" Remus asks softly.
"Because this isn't ours," Sirius blurts out suddenly. "This isn't our life, it should be James and Lily with him on Christmas day, and the only reason we have any of this is because they died."
There's a long, still silence in which Sirius desperately wants to call back the words, because Remus looks utterly stricken. Then suddenly he crosses the room and pulls Sirius roughly against him. Sirius grasps Remus eagerly and they stand in the kitchen of their small house, breathing in the taste and the comfort and the security of each other.
"I love you," Remus says after a while, the words simple and quiet. "I love you and we will be alright."
The End
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-02 05:57 pm (UTC)Oh, that just sums it up, does it not!
This series was truly wonderful! You capture their feels so well and it all works on very real level. And thank you, thank you for a happy ending.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-02 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-02 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-02 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-02 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-02 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 11:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 05:39 am (UTC)I love how the ending is bittersweet, because I know I'd think the same thing as Sirius in his position.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 11:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 11:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-28 03:40 pm (UTC)allow me to explain.
that was so wonderful. sweet and hot and very real in a way that a lot of fics (particularly angsty ones) can't manage. i loved it. and the end was so lovely, but it just reminds me of how badly things really ended, thus the overwhelming urge to stab myself in the neck. but seriously, this whole series was wonderful. well done.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-29 09:56 am (UTC)i'm really glad you enjoyed it, even if fics like these do tend to throw canon into sharp, painful relief. *hates canon*
no subject
Date: 2009-02-01 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-02 11:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-25 01:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-24 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-26 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-06 06:35 am (UTC)i love your sirius and your remus, i can see canon sirius and remus in them and also the sirius in remus in my heart (dunno if that makes much sense).
anyway, just wanted to say that i love your writing!