FIC: Trust (12/?)
May. 24th, 2008 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leashy_bebesTitle: Trust (12/?)
Pairing: Remus/Sirius.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: I guess they're technically underage but as they're not having sex, does that matter? Anyway, if even half of what my foster brother told me about boarding school is true, this is tame. Tame.
Notes: Oh, crap. Well it’s been a really stupidly long time since I tried to poke at this fic. I’ve been temporarily seduced away by the Jeeves and Wooster fandom and mystupid stupid go away and die I hate you so so much thesis, but I’m back, I promise. Many apologies, e-cookies, etc. This chapter a little on the short side, I’ll try to have the next (AKA important!) one up by Tuesday.
Disclaimer: Absolutely, totally not mine, and I'm not trying to say they are. Just for giggles.
Previous Chapters here
When Remus wakes up the next morning, the dorm is unnaturally quiet, and the explanation comes to light when a brief glance around shows that Sirius' bed is empty, and Peter is still asleep. For a moment Remus just stays comfortably in the warm cocoon of his sheets, revelling in the silence, the blessed peace. And then James emerges from the bathroom scrubbing vigorously at his hair with a towel, offering a sleepy hello as he passes Remus and drops down onto his own bed.
"Bathroom's free," he points out unnecessarily.
"Mmm? Yeah," Remus says distractedly, glancing at the bathroom door. Sirius' empty, rumpled bed pulls his eyes back though, and almost reluctantly he asks, "Where's Sirius?"
James pauses in his one-man mission to make his hair stick in every direction possible and gives Remus a very strange look.
"He went to the library last night, pretty late. Probably still there, or in the kitchens." All-night library sessions are so not Sirius that Remus and James exchange a careful look before James continues. "He's trying, Moony. He's a prat, but he's trying. And he misses you."
"I - We should wake Pete."
"Moony - "
"I'm trying too, James," Remus says unwillingly. It's true. And it's working, to a certain extent. When Sirius isn't around, Remus finds he can almost rationalise the events. He can step back, to a degree, and see how it might just have been an act of simple thoughtlessness. But all it takes is one look at Sirius and he just falls apart...
"And?" James prompts gently.
"And I miss him," Remus admits grudgingly. "I hate this. James, I really - "
Remus has no idea what to say, and is wholeheartedly glad when Peter interrupts him by tumbling out of bed in a panic and rushes past them both into the bathroom. Remus resigns himself to a short breakfast, but takes the opportunity to turn away from James and busy himself in the depths of his trunk.
He hears James' almost-exasperated sigh, and feels a pang for how difficult this must be for everyone else. If it wouldn't make him seem like a madman, Remus would feel like laughing at himself right then. He just can't stop thinking of others. The world's most literate doormat. Still though, maybe that's not the worst thing to be - it beats world's most miserable werewolf, for a start.
"I'll save you some disgusting porridge," James offers and doormat though he might be, Remus knows that James hates this, hates it almost as much as he himself does, probably. There and then, he resolves to fix this. Somehow. Even if it's just superficially for now. This can't go on much longer.
Peter is withdrawn and quiet, and Remus has caught an unfamiliar look of busy thoughtfulness on his face a few times. James is torn and like a typical only child has fallen into the role of peace-maker. And Sirius - Sirius is a wreck.
Remus would be okay with knowing this intellectually. But when he has caught Sirius looking at him in abject misery - and he never looked away, or faked a smile in those moments - Remus has felt it himself. The nearest he can come to compare it to is when they were younger and a fight with his parents or Regulus would send Sirius into a wounded sulk and Remus would ache, physically ache inside with the agony of his friend's misery.
No, this cannot continue. It's tearing them all apart.
***
Sirius wakes with a jolt, utterly disorientated. It takes him a moment to realise that the hard surface under his face is a table in the restricted section, and a moment more to realise that he is half covered in the invisibility cloak. With a groan and a squint, his eyes focuses on the messy scrawl of black ink by his cheekbone.
What's the heart? The heart of why. Loyal. Love him. Keep him safe. Protect. Loyal.
Loyal is underlined three times and surrounded with little arrows pointing to the word. Sirius pushes himself upright and his eyes take in the piles of books, a fuzzy memory returning of a sudden flash of inspiration, a dash to the stacks for books on - on -
Bonds.
It hits like lightning all over again. The book on love spells had set him thinking about forced bonds, and from there his mind had leapt to voluntary bonds. Fealty. Loyalty. Bonds. All kinds of bonds, magical or spiritual or -
Uncaring of the implications, Sirius leaves the books scattered around, grabs his notes and flees the restricted section. In the dormitory, he turns out his trunk wildly, spewing possessions across the floor until his fingers close around the mirror handle. He yells James' name and waits impatiently for a few minutes until a harried looking James appears in the mirror, red-faced and breathing hard.
"Sirius! McGonnagal probably thinks I've got some sort of bladder problem. When did you last go to a class, exactly?"
"Cover for me today, will you?"
"Sirius, you can't keep - "
"Just today," Sirius says excitedly. "I think I'm on to something."
"What?"
"I - I don't know. I can't explain it. I just feel like I can see how to do it now. Now I know - Never mind. Just cover for me."
"Fine, fine. Puking?"
"Like a good 'un. Thanks, mate.”
In the mirror, Sirius sees James frown, and knows he must sound half-crazed. Normally, he would take the time to talk about this with James. James would be able to make sense of the conclusions that Sirius had leapt to without consciously thinking. Still though, he feels like he should manage this alone, like if he looks too closely at this new idea – feeling? – it will vanish.
After a moment’s thought, Sirius grabs the Marauder’s map and starts scanning it. Classes will be in full swing for hours now, and that rules out most of the usual hiding places. There’s no telling when a professor will go for – or more likely send an unfortunate student to go for – something from a store-cupboard or a next door classroom. In the end, Sirius selects an old store-room on the fifth floor, at the far end of the corridor from the nearest class – History of Magic, and so unlikely to need any additional supplies.
Clearing the map, Sirius tucks it back into the false bottom of the desk drawer where they keep it safe from prying eyes and pockets his wand and the mirror, steeling himself for what he desperately hopes will be a successful attempt.
>>chapter 13
Pairing: Remus/Sirius.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: I guess they're technically underage but as they're not having sex, does that matter? Anyway, if even half of what my foster brother told me about boarding school is true, this is tame. Tame.
Notes: Oh, crap. Well it’s been a really stupidly long time since I tried to poke at this fic. I’ve been temporarily seduced away by the Jeeves and Wooster fandom and my
Disclaimer: Absolutely, totally not mine, and I'm not trying to say they are. Just for giggles.
Previous Chapters here
When Remus wakes up the next morning, the dorm is unnaturally quiet, and the explanation comes to light when a brief glance around shows that Sirius' bed is empty, and Peter is still asleep. For a moment Remus just stays comfortably in the warm cocoon of his sheets, revelling in the silence, the blessed peace. And then James emerges from the bathroom scrubbing vigorously at his hair with a towel, offering a sleepy hello as he passes Remus and drops down onto his own bed.
"Bathroom's free," he points out unnecessarily.
"Mmm? Yeah," Remus says distractedly, glancing at the bathroom door. Sirius' empty, rumpled bed pulls his eyes back though, and almost reluctantly he asks, "Where's Sirius?"
James pauses in his one-man mission to make his hair stick in every direction possible and gives Remus a very strange look.
"He went to the library last night, pretty late. Probably still there, or in the kitchens." All-night library sessions are so not Sirius that Remus and James exchange a careful look before James continues. "He's trying, Moony. He's a prat, but he's trying. And he misses you."
"I - We should wake Pete."
"Moony - "
"I'm trying too, James," Remus says unwillingly. It's true. And it's working, to a certain extent. When Sirius isn't around, Remus finds he can almost rationalise the events. He can step back, to a degree, and see how it might just have been an act of simple thoughtlessness. But all it takes is one look at Sirius and he just falls apart...
"And?" James prompts gently.
"And I miss him," Remus admits grudgingly. "I hate this. James, I really - "
Remus has no idea what to say, and is wholeheartedly glad when Peter interrupts him by tumbling out of bed in a panic and rushes past them both into the bathroom. Remus resigns himself to a short breakfast, but takes the opportunity to turn away from James and busy himself in the depths of his trunk.
He hears James' almost-exasperated sigh, and feels a pang for how difficult this must be for everyone else. If it wouldn't make him seem like a madman, Remus would feel like laughing at himself right then. He just can't stop thinking of others. The world's most literate doormat. Still though, maybe that's not the worst thing to be - it beats world's most miserable werewolf, for a start.
"I'll save you some disgusting porridge," James offers and doormat though he might be, Remus knows that James hates this, hates it almost as much as he himself does, probably. There and then, he resolves to fix this. Somehow. Even if it's just superficially for now. This can't go on much longer.
Peter is withdrawn and quiet, and Remus has caught an unfamiliar look of busy thoughtfulness on his face a few times. James is torn and like a typical only child has fallen into the role of peace-maker. And Sirius - Sirius is a wreck.
Remus would be okay with knowing this intellectually. But when he has caught Sirius looking at him in abject misery - and he never looked away, or faked a smile in those moments - Remus has felt it himself. The nearest he can come to compare it to is when they were younger and a fight with his parents or Regulus would send Sirius into a wounded sulk and Remus would ache, physically ache inside with the agony of his friend's misery.
No, this cannot continue. It's tearing them all apart.
***
Sirius wakes with a jolt, utterly disorientated. It takes him a moment to realise that the hard surface under his face is a table in the restricted section, and a moment more to realise that he is half covered in the invisibility cloak. With a groan and a squint, his eyes focuses on the messy scrawl of black ink by his cheekbone.
What's the heart? The heart of why. Loyal. Love him. Keep him safe. Protect. Loyal.
Loyal is underlined three times and surrounded with little arrows pointing to the word. Sirius pushes himself upright and his eyes take in the piles of books, a fuzzy memory returning of a sudden flash of inspiration, a dash to the stacks for books on - on -
Bonds.
It hits like lightning all over again. The book on love spells had set him thinking about forced bonds, and from there his mind had leapt to voluntary bonds. Fealty. Loyalty. Bonds. All kinds of bonds, magical or spiritual or -
Uncaring of the implications, Sirius leaves the books scattered around, grabs his notes and flees the restricted section. In the dormitory, he turns out his trunk wildly, spewing possessions across the floor until his fingers close around the mirror handle. He yells James' name and waits impatiently for a few minutes until a harried looking James appears in the mirror, red-faced and breathing hard.
"Sirius! McGonnagal probably thinks I've got some sort of bladder problem. When did you last go to a class, exactly?"
"Cover for me today, will you?"
"Sirius, you can't keep - "
"Just today," Sirius says excitedly. "I think I'm on to something."
"What?"
"I - I don't know. I can't explain it. I just feel like I can see how to do it now. Now I know - Never mind. Just cover for me."
"Fine, fine. Puking?"
"Like a good 'un. Thanks, mate.”
In the mirror, Sirius sees James frown, and knows he must sound half-crazed. Normally, he would take the time to talk about this with James. James would be able to make sense of the conclusions that Sirius had leapt to without consciously thinking. Still though, he feels like he should manage this alone, like if he looks too closely at this new idea – feeling? – it will vanish.
After a moment’s thought, Sirius grabs the Marauder’s map and starts scanning it. Classes will be in full swing for hours now, and that rules out most of the usual hiding places. There’s no telling when a professor will go for – or more likely send an unfortunate student to go for – something from a store-cupboard or a next door classroom. In the end, Sirius selects an old store-room on the fifth floor, at the far end of the corridor from the nearest class – History of Magic, and so unlikely to need any additional supplies.
Clearing the map, Sirius tucks it back into the false bottom of the desk drawer where they keep it safe from prying eyes and pockets his wand and the mirror, steeling himself for what he desperately hopes will be a successful attempt.
>>chapter 13
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-05-24 08:52 pm (UTC)OMG I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!! Made me laugh hysterically to read that. Ok, I'll go read the entire fic now.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-24 10:49 pm (UTC)xx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 06:54 am (UTC)Oh. Right. And the fic? It's gorgeous. Well, this chapter, anyway - I'm going to bookmark this so that when my own stupid stupid go away and die I hate you so so much essay is finished I can go back and read the lot. After all, anyone who can describe my poor, poor Remus as the 'world's most literate doormat' is definitely worth reading! :D
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 11:18 am (UTC)And I'm really glad you liked the fic, thanks a lot.
xx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 06:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 09:05 am (UTC)I got lucky and rang up in a panic about getting in/not and the admin woman told me they'd posted the offer letter that day. I'm really shit at waiting. What are you studying btw? Sorry, can't help being nosy about peoples academicy stuff.
xx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 09:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 09:38 am (UTC)I was uber crap at history a-level, it's so bloody hard! Major respect. And good luck for the exams, when they're over it's such a good feeling (although beware, you are highly vulnerable! I got roped into teaching statistics because I wasn't really listening through the post-exam haze)
Women's Studies sounds good, one of my favourite assignments as an undergrad (just those words in that order triggers a geek alert somewhere, I'm sure) was about the discrepancies between male and female mental health. It's a fascinating (if infuriating) area.
Wow, that was a long comment with a lot of brackets. I can't help myself when it comes to this stuff, I run on way too much!
no subject
Date: 2008-06-08 02:42 pm (UTC)Also, I was reading through the comments and saw your recommendation of
I think academia makes everyone run on and on. Good to know there are many other multi-level nerds in the HP community!
no subject
Date: 2008-06-10 11:31 am (UTC)And hurrah, another one for the geek army. It's so good that other people willingly subject themselves to this madness. :D
xx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 03:02 am (UTC)This made me smile:
He hears James' almost-exasperated sigh, and feels a pang for how difficult this must be for everyone else. If it wouldn't make him seem like a madman, Remus would feel like laughing at himself right then. He just can't stop thinking of others. The world's most literate doormat. Still though, maybe that's not the worst thing to be - it beats world's most miserable werewolf, for a start.
And this was heart-breaking: What's the heart? The heart of why. Loyal. Love him. Keep him safe. Protect. Loyal.
Your characters are so dead-on, too. Wonderful!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 11:18 am (UTC)Glad you're still enjoying it hon.
xx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 11:19 am (UTC)xx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 12:36 pm (UTC)Finally, Remus :)
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 01:24 pm (UTC)xx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 05:22 pm (UTC)Now for that annoying little crossover bunny... Sirius and Remus fall through a rift in time and space into Cardiff Wales...
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 06:10 pm (UTC)And omgwtf I would totally read that! I got so hooked on Torchwood this series that it's not even funny.
xxx
no subject
Date: 2008-05-25 06:36 pm (UTC)Yup. I'm so addicted to Torchwood that I've become a Dr. Who fan as a result.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-26 04:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-26 08:35 am (UTC)xx