FIC: Every Love and Each Regret 2.3
Jul. 29th, 2004 08:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leashy_bebesEvery Love and Each Regret
Part 2, Chapter 3
Lyrics from Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer
he cried out in his anger and his shame: i am leaving, i am leaving
"Get. Off," Remus snarls, yanking his wrist out of Sirius' grip.
"Re - " Sirius tries, gabbing both of Remus' shoulders this time.
"Get off, let go of me, don't touch me!" Remus snaps, wrenching away from Sirius.
"Remus, please!"
"Give me my god damned wand!"
"Not until you listen to me."
"I will not," Remus says, gathering himself behind walls of coldness, his voice calm now, steady and icy. "Are you going to give me my wand?"
"No," Sirius says stubbornly, stepping up to Remus, who promptly steps back. "Please, please, Remus, it was just once, just one bloke, it was nothing, it meant nothing."
"I'm sorry, is that supposed to make it better?" Remus asks. "You slept with someone for no reason? What, you just felt like it? Just needed a fuck, is that it?"
"No, that's not what I meant. I just - "
"I don't want to hear it," Remus says. "Now give me my wand."
"So you can hex me?"
"So I can get my things without having to go into our bedroom where you fucked someone else, because I don’t think I can go in there," Remus says in a matter of fact voice. "Give. It. To me."
"You can't leave - " Sirius sounds aghast, and he doesn’t even have time to think that this is what he wanted, this is what he had planned, this was his doing.
"What did you expect me to do?" Remus snaps. "Forgive you? 'Oh that's alright Sirius, what's a little extra curricular fucking matter in a loving, committed relationship?' You stupid fucking idiot!" Remus has never, never spoken to Sirius like this before, and it leaves both of them shaken.
"Remus - "
"No! God damn it, will you just shut up and give me my wand?"
"N - "
"Fine!" Remus says in exasperation, throwing his hands up in the air and whirling on the spot. "I can get new clothes."
"Wait, just - here - " Sirius fumbles Remus' wand out of his pocket and passes it over, desperate to keep him there a little longer.
It takes a matter of minutes for Remus to summon a bag and the few things he wants from this flat, but it's long enough for him to get himself under control again. He steps towards the door, but this time, Sirius lunges after him, arms wrapping around Remus' chest desperately from behind.
"Please," he says, and there's a note of panic in his voice now. "Please don't leave, Moony. You're the best thing about me, I can't be without you, I love you, don't go - "
"Should have thought of some of those things earlier," Remus says, clinically separating Sirius' linked hands and dropping them away from him. "Don't touch me," he says through gritted teeth. "Don't you ever touch me again."
"Moony - "
"And don't call me that."
"Please," Sirius says again, and to Remus' numb horror, he actually drops to his knees, locking his arms around Remus' waist and pressing his forehead to Remus' stomach. "Don't," he pleads, the word muffled. "Please don't go."
"Stop it," Remus gasps, desperation entering his voice as he tries to pull away from Sirius' grasping hands.
"Stay with me, please stay - " Sirius says, clutching desperately.
"I can't." Remus means to say it quietly, firmly, but it comes out a broken half-sob. "I can't stay here because I loved you with everything I am and now all I can think about is someone else's hands on you, someone else's mouth, someone else, and you want them, you don't want me - "
"No," Sirius moans. "No, that's not true, I love you, please, I love you, he looked like you that's the only reason I - "
Remus makes a broken noise of disgust and shoves Sirius away.
"Please."
"No," Remus says, hefting his bag. He looks down at Sirius, kneeling on the floor and crying, and feels nothing but hate. "You're a fucking whore," he spits. He stalks out, and for the first time in his life, slams the door as hard as he can.
It's not nearly as satisfying as he thought it would be.
one month later...
Part 2, Chapter 3
Lyrics from Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer
he cried out in his anger and his shame: i am leaving, i am leaving
"Get. Off," Remus snarls, yanking his wrist out of Sirius' grip.
"Re - " Sirius tries, gabbing both of Remus' shoulders this time.
"Get off, let go of me, don't touch me!" Remus snaps, wrenching away from Sirius.
"Remus, please!"
"Give me my god damned wand!"
"Not until you listen to me."
"I will not," Remus says, gathering himself behind walls of coldness, his voice calm now, steady and icy. "Are you going to give me my wand?"
"No," Sirius says stubbornly, stepping up to Remus, who promptly steps back. "Please, please, Remus, it was just once, just one bloke, it was nothing, it meant nothing."
"I'm sorry, is that supposed to make it better?" Remus asks. "You slept with someone for no reason? What, you just felt like it? Just needed a fuck, is that it?"
"No, that's not what I meant. I just - "
"I don't want to hear it," Remus says. "Now give me my wand."
"So you can hex me?"
"So I can get my things without having to go into our bedroom where you fucked someone else, because I don’t think I can go in there," Remus says in a matter of fact voice. "Give. It. To me."
"You can't leave - " Sirius sounds aghast, and he doesn’t even have time to think that this is what he wanted, this is what he had planned, this was his doing.
"What did you expect me to do?" Remus snaps. "Forgive you? 'Oh that's alright Sirius, what's a little extra curricular fucking matter in a loving, committed relationship?' You stupid fucking idiot!" Remus has never, never spoken to Sirius like this before, and it leaves both of them shaken.
"Remus - "
"No! God damn it, will you just shut up and give me my wand?"
"N - "
"Fine!" Remus says in exasperation, throwing his hands up in the air and whirling on the spot. "I can get new clothes."
"Wait, just - here - " Sirius fumbles Remus' wand out of his pocket and passes it over, desperate to keep him there a little longer.
It takes a matter of minutes for Remus to summon a bag and the few things he wants from this flat, but it's long enough for him to get himself under control again. He steps towards the door, but this time, Sirius lunges after him, arms wrapping around Remus' chest desperately from behind.
"Please," he says, and there's a note of panic in his voice now. "Please don't leave, Moony. You're the best thing about me, I can't be without you, I love you, don't go - "
"Should have thought of some of those things earlier," Remus says, clinically separating Sirius' linked hands and dropping them away from him. "Don't touch me," he says through gritted teeth. "Don't you ever touch me again."
"Moony - "
"And don't call me that."
"Please," Sirius says again, and to Remus' numb horror, he actually drops to his knees, locking his arms around Remus' waist and pressing his forehead to Remus' stomach. "Don't," he pleads, the word muffled. "Please don't go."
"Stop it," Remus gasps, desperation entering his voice as he tries to pull away from Sirius' grasping hands.
"Stay with me, please stay - " Sirius says, clutching desperately.
"I can't." Remus means to say it quietly, firmly, but it comes out a broken half-sob. "I can't stay here because I loved you with everything I am and now all I can think about is someone else's hands on you, someone else's mouth, someone else, and you want them, you don't want me - "
"No," Sirius moans. "No, that's not true, I love you, please, I love you, he looked like you that's the only reason I - "
Remus makes a broken noise of disgust and shoves Sirius away.
"Please."
"No," Remus says, hefting his bag. He looks down at Sirius, kneeling on the floor and crying, and feels nothing but hate. "You're a fucking whore," he spits. He stalks out, and for the first time in his life, slams the door as hard as he can.
It's not nearly as satisfying as he thought it would be.
one month later...