leashy_bebes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
leashy_bebes) wrote2008-08-13 08:06 pm
leashy_bebes) wrote2008-08-13 08:06 pm
FIC: Lost Time
cause really, it was either this or top gear slash, and that's too much even for me
Lost Time [Prologue]
This part is set during the first war, and is mainly James/Lily with the puppies on the outs. I'll fix em up though! Promise.
This part G.
AU
...six years ago...
James is standing at the back door smoking a rare cigarette and staring into the half-darkness when Lily appears in the kitchen doorway with Harry slumbering in her arms. She rarely puts him down these days, and James can't remember the last time that his wife and child were in different rooms.
"I need to talk to you," she says, serious and pale.
James stubs out his cigarette on the wall and flicks the butt away into the garden before locking the door physically and magically. In the front room, Lily places Harry gently in his play pen and then takes a seat on the edge of the sofa nearest him. There's a painful wrench in James' throat at the sight of his wife so drawn and anxious and he drops down onto the floor next to her, resting his head on her knee.
"What's up, babe?"
Her fingers dip into his hair in a familiar motion, twiddling thick clumps around with her nails.
"I want to leave," she says in a shaky voice and James bolts upright, doubtless leaving a few strands behind in her hand. He feels sick and stunned. He knew Lily was taking things rough lately, but he'd assumed they at least, out of everything, were solid.
"You're leaving me?" he manages, and he sounds like a child.
"No! God, no! James," she says reprovingly, tugging at his collar to make him sit up on the sofa next to her. She slides an arm around his waist and melts into him in a way that has always gone straight to his head. "I love you, idiot."
"What then?"
"I want us to leave. The three of us."
"What?"
She flinches away from him and passes a hand over her eyes.
"Lil - "
"I'm not - " she breaks off and shakes her head once fiercely as though to clear it. When she speaks next, it's in a carefully controlled voice that lets James know she's been practicing this for a while. "I know that it's selfish, and cowardly, and just awful, and I know we have responsibilities here with the Order, and our friends, but none of them even come close to this. To us. James, we've lost enough people to know that you get through it somehow, and I could lose everyone, everything, but not you. Not - " tears well up abruptly in her eyes as she betrays herself with a glance at Harry's sleeping form.
"Oh, hey," he says, still a little awkward at this because Lily is so damn tough, but she comes into his arms easily, pressing her face to his chest and weeping in a way that breaks his heart.
"I love him, I love him so much, I can't - can't - can't - "
"Okay," James says without even a second's hesitation, because she's right. She's so fucking right, and it amazes him that he's never thought of it before.
Lily looks up at him with tear stains on her face, flushed from lack of breath, unable to stop more tears spilling out, silently this time.
"Okay?" she asks.
"Okay, let's go," James says.
"What?" She looks taken aback, and sniffs twice. "Really?"
"Really," James nods, taking hold of Lily's hand and kissing the back of it. "You're right, Lil. We can't lose all this. Not for anything. Not for the world."
Her shaking fingers comes up to trace his cheek and as she dashes her tears away with her free hand she smiles at him tremulously.
"I thought you'd hate me," she says. "I feel like such a coward but I just...I just want to take our little boy and get the hell away from all this."
“Where shall we go?” James asks.
“Guatemala,” Lily says, liking the sound of the word.
“Kuala Lumpur,” James counters.
“Azerbaijan.”
“Lichtenstein,” James says triumphantly.
Lily lets out a sob and presses herself against him, hiding her face.
He kisses her hair and says, “Tonight.”
She looks a question up at him and he nods.
“We can’t tell anyone anyway, and the less time we give ourselves to plan, the less likely we are to leave any hints behind,” he continues, hardly able to believe the words are coming out of his mouth so readily, as though the whole plan has been waiting for him the whole time.
“I know the apparition point nearest to the Muggle ferry in Dover,” Lily offers.
“I’ll buy a car,” James nods, thinking of the hidden stash of muggle and magical money in the bedroom. “Transfigure some muggle passports.”
“Go to France,” Lily says, her eyes lightening now.
“Keep going,” James grins down at her. He’s excited in a way, even as he knows he should feel guilty and cowardly but he loves this woman, and she and their love are all that he can trust in the world. He’s always sort of wanted to do this, since they were married and he realised how fantastic life was with Lily Potter nee Evans, just run away with her, keep her to himself, be alone with her.
“We should send a letter to Dumbledore,” Lily says but James is already shaking his head.
“Sirius. No, Remus. Dumbledore’d be able to track us and Sirius would try. Remus won’t.”
“Sure?” Lily asks, and James nods.
“Go and start packing. I’ll be up in a minute.”
He scribbles a single line on a piece of parchment and looks around the house they have built together. He probes within himself for some feeling of guilt or regret, but he looks down at Harry – his son, and that still blows his mind sometimes – and can’t find a single grain of himself that does not want to do this.
***
"What are you doing?" Sirius asks, although a single glance at the disarray and the half full suitcase gives him a damn good clue.
"Leaving," Remus says shortly, shoving another shirt into the case without turning around.
"What? Why?" A small, distant part of Sirius is surprised that he's actually shocked - it's not like this hasn't been coming for months, maybe even a year now.
"Honestly?" Remus asks dryly. He gives a snort of laughter and closes his case with a loud click, turning to look at Sirius.
"Don't go," Sirius blurts, although he's lost count of the number of times he's wished Remus would do exactly that.
"You don't trust me," Remus says in a flat voice, but Sirius can see the genuine anguish in his eyes, watches it harden as he adds, "And to be honest, I don't trust you either."
It's like cold water thrown in his face, hearing those words, knowing that Remus has wondered, thinking that maybe other people have wondered as well. Sirius opens his mouth to say something – to shout, to beg, to reassure, he doesn’t even know.
The sudden scratching at the window cuts Sirius off and Remus turns away from him. They are both moderately surprised when James and Lily’s owl swoops to Remus instead of Sirius. Remus unhooks the tiny furl of parchment from its leg and the bird swoops out of the window again. Sirius watches as Remus unrolls the scrap of paper and promptly sits down on the edge of the bed as though his legs have given out.
Sirius cross the room and grabs the note from Remus. Before it’s snatched back he reads, in James’ blocky print: We’re leaving. We’re sorry. We love you and we will come back. Don’t let anyone find us. Remus screws the paper into a ball and shoves it in his pocket. His face is hard and closed off and Sirius knows they have nothing, nothing to hold them together anymore.
Lost Time [Prologue]
This part is set during the first war, and is mainly James/Lily with the puppies on the outs. I'll fix em up though! Promise.
This part G.
AU
...six years ago...
James is standing at the back door smoking a rare cigarette and staring into the half-darkness when Lily appears in the kitchen doorway with Harry slumbering in her arms. She rarely puts him down these days, and James can't remember the last time that his wife and child were in different rooms.
"I need to talk to you," she says, serious and pale.
James stubs out his cigarette on the wall and flicks the butt away into the garden before locking the door physically and magically. In the front room, Lily places Harry gently in his play pen and then takes a seat on the edge of the sofa nearest him. There's a painful wrench in James' throat at the sight of his wife so drawn and anxious and he drops down onto the floor next to her, resting his head on her knee.
"What's up, babe?"
Her fingers dip into his hair in a familiar motion, twiddling thick clumps around with her nails.
"I want to leave," she says in a shaky voice and James bolts upright, doubtless leaving a few strands behind in her hand. He feels sick and stunned. He knew Lily was taking things rough lately, but he'd assumed they at least, out of everything, were solid.
"You're leaving me?" he manages, and he sounds like a child.
"No! God, no! James," she says reprovingly, tugging at his collar to make him sit up on the sofa next to her. She slides an arm around his waist and melts into him in a way that has always gone straight to his head. "I love you, idiot."
"What then?"
"I want us to leave. The three of us."
"What?"
She flinches away from him and passes a hand over her eyes.
"Lil - "
"I'm not - " she breaks off and shakes her head once fiercely as though to clear it. When she speaks next, it's in a carefully controlled voice that lets James know she's been practicing this for a while. "I know that it's selfish, and cowardly, and just awful, and I know we have responsibilities here with the Order, and our friends, but none of them even come close to this. To us. James, we've lost enough people to know that you get through it somehow, and I could lose everyone, everything, but not you. Not - " tears well up abruptly in her eyes as she betrays herself with a glance at Harry's sleeping form.
"Oh, hey," he says, still a little awkward at this because Lily is so damn tough, but she comes into his arms easily, pressing her face to his chest and weeping in a way that breaks his heart.
"I love him, I love him so much, I can't - can't - can't - "
"Okay," James says without even a second's hesitation, because she's right. She's so fucking right, and it amazes him that he's never thought of it before.
Lily looks up at him with tear stains on her face, flushed from lack of breath, unable to stop more tears spilling out, silently this time.
"Okay?" she asks.
"Okay, let's go," James says.
"What?" She looks taken aback, and sniffs twice. "Really?"
"Really," James nods, taking hold of Lily's hand and kissing the back of it. "You're right, Lil. We can't lose all this. Not for anything. Not for the world."
Her shaking fingers comes up to trace his cheek and as she dashes her tears away with her free hand she smiles at him tremulously.
"I thought you'd hate me," she says. "I feel like such a coward but I just...I just want to take our little boy and get the hell away from all this."
“Where shall we go?” James asks.
“Guatemala,” Lily says, liking the sound of the word.
“Kuala Lumpur,” James counters.
“Azerbaijan.”
“Lichtenstein,” James says triumphantly.
Lily lets out a sob and presses herself against him, hiding her face.
He kisses her hair and says, “Tonight.”
She looks a question up at him and he nods.
“We can’t tell anyone anyway, and the less time we give ourselves to plan, the less likely we are to leave any hints behind,” he continues, hardly able to believe the words are coming out of his mouth so readily, as though the whole plan has been waiting for him the whole time.
“I know the apparition point nearest to the Muggle ferry in Dover,” Lily offers.
“I’ll buy a car,” James nods, thinking of the hidden stash of muggle and magical money in the bedroom. “Transfigure some muggle passports.”
“Go to France,” Lily says, her eyes lightening now.
“Keep going,” James grins down at her. He’s excited in a way, even as he knows he should feel guilty and cowardly but he loves this woman, and she and their love are all that he can trust in the world. He’s always sort of wanted to do this, since they were married and he realised how fantastic life was with Lily Potter nee Evans, just run away with her, keep her to himself, be alone with her.
“We should send a letter to Dumbledore,” Lily says but James is already shaking his head.
“Sirius. No, Remus. Dumbledore’d be able to track us and Sirius would try. Remus won’t.”
“Sure?” Lily asks, and James nods.
“Go and start packing. I’ll be up in a minute.”
He scribbles a single line on a piece of parchment and looks around the house they have built together. He probes within himself for some feeling of guilt or regret, but he looks down at Harry – his son, and that still blows his mind sometimes – and can’t find a single grain of himself that does not want to do this.
***
"What are you doing?" Sirius asks, although a single glance at the disarray and the half full suitcase gives him a damn good clue.
"Leaving," Remus says shortly, shoving another shirt into the case without turning around.
"What? Why?" A small, distant part of Sirius is surprised that he's actually shocked - it's not like this hasn't been coming for months, maybe even a year now.
"Honestly?" Remus asks dryly. He gives a snort of laughter and closes his case with a loud click, turning to look at Sirius.
"Don't go," Sirius blurts, although he's lost count of the number of times he's wished Remus would do exactly that.
"You don't trust me," Remus says in a flat voice, but Sirius can see the genuine anguish in his eyes, watches it harden as he adds, "And to be honest, I don't trust you either."
It's like cold water thrown in his face, hearing those words, knowing that Remus has wondered, thinking that maybe other people have wondered as well. Sirius opens his mouth to say something – to shout, to beg, to reassure, he doesn’t even know.
The sudden scratching at the window cuts Sirius off and Remus turns away from him. They are both moderately surprised when James and Lily’s owl swoops to Remus instead of Sirius. Remus unhooks the tiny furl of parchment from its leg and the bird swoops out of the window again. Sirius watches as Remus unrolls the scrap of paper and promptly sits down on the edge of the bed as though his legs have given out.
Sirius cross the room and grabs the note from Remus. Before it’s snatched back he reads, in James’ blocky print: We’re leaving. We’re sorry. We love you and we will come back. Don’t let anyone find us. Remus screws the paper into a ball and shoves it in his pocket. His face is hard and closed off and Sirius knows they have nothing, nothing to hold them together anymore.
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