FIC: Every Love and Each Regret 3.1
Jul. 31st, 2008 08:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leashy_bebesEvery Love and Each Regret
Part 3, Chapter 1.
Lyrics from George Michael's A Different Corner shut up about my admittedly swag taste in music. he is my husband. HUSBAND, i tell you.
In which it all goes AU. Thankfully. Most of the rest should be up tomorrow.
I’d say love was a magical thing, I’d say love would keep us from pain
Dimly, Sirius realises that Harry is crying again. Sirius' own face is hot and itchy, burning with the trails of drying tears.
What do I do?
Harry's crying gains a new pitch, and Sirius hears noises at the bottom of the stairs, a horrified shout that threatens to bring the image of James back in debilitating detail.
Help me, what do I do?
He wants to find Peter, wants to tear him into tiny pieces and bury him and desecrate his grave and dig him up again and burn him, but -
What do I do?
Harry gives another cry, and presses his face into Sirius' neck, effectively making Sirius' mind up for him. As footsteps start up the stairs, Sirius gets awkwardly to his feet, kisses the top of Harry's head, and apparates.
He is briefly, fiercely glad to find Remus alone on his sofa, reading a book, before he bursts into helpless tears, almost matching Harry's in intensity.
Although he immediately goes a terrible, ashy colour, Remus asks no questions as he puts his book aside and crosses to Sirius, taking Harry from his arms gently, nudging Sirius towards the sofa. When Remus looks down at the bloody gash on Harry's forehead, he winces and casts immediate cleaning and healing charms, as well as the mildest pain-relief spell he knows, not wanting to use anything stronger on such a small child.
With Harry balanced in the crook of his arm, Remus conjures a glass of water for Sirius and sits down opposite him on a wooden chair.
"What - " he starts, when the fireplace roars into life.
Aurors tumble in, at least six of them, and all start speaking at once.
"Nobody move!"
"Black!"
"Secure the exits!"
"Get the baby!"
At those words, Remus leaps up, cradling Harry close to his chest.
"What the hell is going on here?" he demands, sounding a lot more confident than he feels.
Three of the aurors are clustering around Sirius, and two more leave Remus with no choice but to hand Harry to them, distantly aware of words.
"...your master's dead, Black. Come quietly with us, or we'll strike you down now."
"Don’t hurt him!" Remus' protest is immediate and instinctive.
"Quiet, werewolf! He betrayed the Potters, we have it on good authority. They're dead, werewolf. So I think you'll want to shut up right now."
"Stop calling him that," Sirius mumbles through his tears. "Moony, I didn't - wasn't - wasn't me."
"I believe you," Remus says, and again it's the product of pure instinct.
"Doesn't matter what you believe. We're taking Black into custody, and the baby to St. Mungo's - "
"No!" Sirius breaks in. "I'm his godfather, I want to - "
"Into custody, Black, or did you miss that part?"
Suddenly Remus and Sirius are both arguing with the aurors at once, at the tops of their lungs. Remus splutters about the process of the law, and Sirius protests that he didn't, he wouldn't. Harry starts crying again, and the young male auror holding him looks distinctly uneasy.
And then the chaos is interrupted by a flash of white light, and another figure apparates into the already crowded room.
"Professor Dumbledore - " Remus feels so pathetically grateful he can't go on.
"Professor, this is auror business - "
"I didn't!" Sirius protests wildly, staring at Dumbledore. "I didn't, I swear, I didn't!"
"I know," Dumbledore says wearily. "The guilty man is currently under the watch of Professor McGonnagal and junior Auror Shacklebolt."
It seems that the words junior Auror galvanise the others, and after conferring with Dumbledore on the location, they apparate away, leaving only one man behind. Dumbledore transfigures Remus' armchair into a cot and settles Harry. Remus hadn't even noticed him retrieving the child from the aurors, and dimly registers that Sirius is crying again. Without thinking, Remus perches on the armrest of the sofa and puts his hand on Sirius' back.
"Are they really dead?" he asks, not sure who he's asking. Sirius, Dumbledore and the auror all answer, all say yes, and the world reels around Remus. "Was it - ?"
"Fucking Peter," Sirius spits.
"Language," Remus says reflexively, numbly. "Baby."
Sirius chokes on a sob at hearing Lily's words from Remus' mouth and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes.
"How?" Remus asks, unsure of the actual question. "How?"
"I had my suspicions," Dumbledore says gravely.
In an instant, Sirius is on his feet and halfway to Dumbledore. Remus lunges for him, slinging an arm around his waist and tugging him back, painfully aware that the auror has redrawn his wand and is waiting nervously. Remus knows the difference between Sirius lunging for effect and Sirius lunging to attack, and he is sure that Sirius would lay into the old man given half a chance.
"You had your suspicions?" Sirius roars. "You manipulative old bastard!"
"Sirius," Remus says loudly, firmly, tugging insistently until Sirius is facing him, eyes wide and dark. "Sirius," he says again, more quietly this time. "Sirius, look at me." Sirius makes a strangled noise between a sob and a growl and Remus cups his face tentatively in his hands. "Look at me. It wasn't his fault - " Sirius shakes his head desperately, tries to pull away, but Remus just tightens his grip and insists, "It wasn't."
There is a scant second where Remus thinks that Sirius is going to go for Dumbledore anyway, and then he crumples, falling against Remus who staggers a little under his weight and instinctively puts his arms around Sirius who is sobbing into his shoulder, messy ungraceful tears and hitching breaths that somehow bring home to Remus that this is real and they are -
His own legs give out and it is pure luck - and maybe a bit of quick wandwork on Dumbledore's part, Remus is never sure afterwards - that they land on the sofa. Sirius is leaning heavily on him, but Remus is barely aware of the weight because he is crying too now, clutching at Sirius because he's there but James and Lily are -
He can't think it, can't think the word so he tightens his grip on Sirius and listens to Harry's cries taper off into quiet hitches of the breath in his sleep, realising that of everyone he's ever loved there are two left and they are both in this room, both crying for their loss, and he would want to fix them if he could even begin to see his own way out of this awful, crushing bleakness.
three months later...
Part 3, Chapter 1.
Lyrics from George Michael's A Different Corner shut up about my admittedly swag taste in music. he is my husband. HUSBAND, i tell you.
In which it all goes AU. Thankfully. Most of the rest should be up tomorrow.
I’d say love was a magical thing, I’d say love would keep us from pain
Dimly, Sirius realises that Harry is crying again. Sirius' own face is hot and itchy, burning with the trails of drying tears.
What do I do?
Harry's crying gains a new pitch, and Sirius hears noises at the bottom of the stairs, a horrified shout that threatens to bring the image of James back in debilitating detail.
Help me, what do I do?
He wants to find Peter, wants to tear him into tiny pieces and bury him and desecrate his grave and dig him up again and burn him, but -
What do I do?
Harry gives another cry, and presses his face into Sirius' neck, effectively making Sirius' mind up for him. As footsteps start up the stairs, Sirius gets awkwardly to his feet, kisses the top of Harry's head, and apparates.
He is briefly, fiercely glad to find Remus alone on his sofa, reading a book, before he bursts into helpless tears, almost matching Harry's in intensity.
Although he immediately goes a terrible, ashy colour, Remus asks no questions as he puts his book aside and crosses to Sirius, taking Harry from his arms gently, nudging Sirius towards the sofa. When Remus looks down at the bloody gash on Harry's forehead, he winces and casts immediate cleaning and healing charms, as well as the mildest pain-relief spell he knows, not wanting to use anything stronger on such a small child.
With Harry balanced in the crook of his arm, Remus conjures a glass of water for Sirius and sits down opposite him on a wooden chair.
"What - " he starts, when the fireplace roars into life.
Aurors tumble in, at least six of them, and all start speaking at once.
"Nobody move!"
"Black!"
"Secure the exits!"
"Get the baby!"
At those words, Remus leaps up, cradling Harry close to his chest.
"What the hell is going on here?" he demands, sounding a lot more confident than he feels.
Three of the aurors are clustering around Sirius, and two more leave Remus with no choice but to hand Harry to them, distantly aware of words.
"...your master's dead, Black. Come quietly with us, or we'll strike you down now."
"Don’t hurt him!" Remus' protest is immediate and instinctive.
"Quiet, werewolf! He betrayed the Potters, we have it on good authority. They're dead, werewolf. So I think you'll want to shut up right now."
"Stop calling him that," Sirius mumbles through his tears. "Moony, I didn't - wasn't - wasn't me."
"I believe you," Remus says, and again it's the product of pure instinct.
"Doesn't matter what you believe. We're taking Black into custody, and the baby to St. Mungo's - "
"No!" Sirius breaks in. "I'm his godfather, I want to - "
"Into custody, Black, or did you miss that part?"
Suddenly Remus and Sirius are both arguing with the aurors at once, at the tops of their lungs. Remus splutters about the process of the law, and Sirius protests that he didn't, he wouldn't. Harry starts crying again, and the young male auror holding him looks distinctly uneasy.
And then the chaos is interrupted by a flash of white light, and another figure apparates into the already crowded room.
"Professor Dumbledore - " Remus feels so pathetically grateful he can't go on.
"Professor, this is auror business - "
"I didn't!" Sirius protests wildly, staring at Dumbledore. "I didn't, I swear, I didn't!"
"I know," Dumbledore says wearily. "The guilty man is currently under the watch of Professor McGonnagal and junior Auror Shacklebolt."
It seems that the words junior Auror galvanise the others, and after conferring with Dumbledore on the location, they apparate away, leaving only one man behind. Dumbledore transfigures Remus' armchair into a cot and settles Harry. Remus hadn't even noticed him retrieving the child from the aurors, and dimly registers that Sirius is crying again. Without thinking, Remus perches on the armrest of the sofa and puts his hand on Sirius' back.
"Are they really dead?" he asks, not sure who he's asking. Sirius, Dumbledore and the auror all answer, all say yes, and the world reels around Remus. "Was it - ?"
"Fucking Peter," Sirius spits.
"Language," Remus says reflexively, numbly. "Baby."
Sirius chokes on a sob at hearing Lily's words from Remus' mouth and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes.
"How?" Remus asks, unsure of the actual question. "How?"
"I had my suspicions," Dumbledore says gravely.
In an instant, Sirius is on his feet and halfway to Dumbledore. Remus lunges for him, slinging an arm around his waist and tugging him back, painfully aware that the auror has redrawn his wand and is waiting nervously. Remus knows the difference between Sirius lunging for effect and Sirius lunging to attack, and he is sure that Sirius would lay into the old man given half a chance.
"You had your suspicions?" Sirius roars. "You manipulative old bastard!"
"Sirius," Remus says loudly, firmly, tugging insistently until Sirius is facing him, eyes wide and dark. "Sirius," he says again, more quietly this time. "Sirius, look at me." Sirius makes a strangled noise between a sob and a growl and Remus cups his face tentatively in his hands. "Look at me. It wasn't his fault - " Sirius shakes his head desperately, tries to pull away, but Remus just tightens his grip and insists, "It wasn't."
There is a scant second where Remus thinks that Sirius is going to go for Dumbledore anyway, and then he crumples, falling against Remus who staggers a little under his weight and instinctively puts his arms around Sirius who is sobbing into his shoulder, messy ungraceful tears and hitching breaths that somehow bring home to Remus that this is real and they are -
His own legs give out and it is pure luck - and maybe a bit of quick wandwork on Dumbledore's part, Remus is never sure afterwards - that they land on the sofa. Sirius is leaning heavily on him, but Remus is barely aware of the weight because he is crying too now, clutching at Sirius because he's there but James and Lily are -
He can't think it, can't think the word so he tightens his grip on Sirius and listens to Harry's cries taper off into quiet hitches of the breath in his sleep, realising that of everyone he's ever loved there are two left and they are both in this room, both crying for their loss, and he would want to fix them if he could even begin to see his own way out of this awful, crushing bleakness.
three months later...