leashy_bebes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
leashy_bebes) wrote2007-10-29 09:15 pm
leashy_bebes) wrote2007-10-29 09:15 pm
FIC: Grown up Things (1/3)
Oiii, I am the world's worst updater. In my defence, I claim a new job, and hideous amounts of research taking up all my free time. So, in place of what I'm actually meant to be working on, I bring this. The first part of a (completed) three parter. ps, I will be using ths icon all over the place from now on - I live in England, have just seen the lastlastlast episode, and am entering the mourning process...now.
Series: Grown-Up Things
Chapter: Proposals (1/3)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Everyone has to grow up sometime. Fluff, fluff, glorious fluff!
Notes: My friends are all having babies and applying for mortgages and getting grown up jobs. This is, naturally, v. unsettling, and I like to spread it around via fic.
Words: About 2000
"I've been thinking," James says suddenly, prodding a pawn forward.
Sirius looks up at him with a wry smile. "Thought I heard a creaking noise." His finger wanders through the air from piece to piece, hovering just above them.
"Ha-bloody-ha," James snorts. "I've been thinking about proposing."
Sirius looks up so sharply it's almost comical. "To Lily?" He asks dumbly.
"Who the fuck else?" James asks, a dangerous glint entering his eye that Sirius recognises as meaning James is not joking around one little bit.
"No, I mean - alright, so that was a stupid question. How long've you been thinking that?" Sirius asks, finally moving a knight.
"Few weeks," James says, staring at the board. Sirius is impressed. If James has been thinking about something for a few weeks and not just gone ahead and done it already, it means he's very serious indeed.
"What'll you do if she says no?" Sirius asks.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Black," James frowns, making his move.
"I just mean - you know - you haven't even been going out a year yet - we're still at school - she doesn't seem that..."
"That what?" James demands, his eyes flashing dangerously again.
"Shit," Sirius mumbles. "She doesn't seem that - er - y'know - "
"No," James says carefully. "I don't."
"Romantic. You know. She still calls you 'Potter' half the time. She punches you as often as she kisses you."
"You think I shouldn't?" James asks and Sirius looks at him in surprise. It has been a long time since James has asked for advice on Lily Evans in anything other than a strictly rhetorical fashion.
"Do you want to?"
"Yes," James says fervently. "Merlin, Sirius. I love her." At Sirius' steady gaze, James shakes his head. "No, I mean I really love her. And it's not just that she's Lily Evans and she makes my head go stupid. We talk. I never wanted to talk to her before."
"God, mate," Sirius can't help but grin.
"No - Shit, you know what I mean. I never thought she'd be such a good friend."
Sirius clamps down fiercely on a tiny flare of jealousy. Abruptly, he knocks his king over, ignoring its wail of protest.
"This conversation is not aided by chess," he says mildly. James nods, relieved and leans back in his armchair.
"What d'you think?" James asks, looking Sirius directly in the eye. "Really."
"Really?" Sirius pauses for a moment. "I don't think it's an entirely terrible idea. Evans is...Merlin help me, she's good for you, mate. Balances you a bit."
"I don't need balancing," James protests. "But yeah," he admits, with a wide grin. "She really does. It's not just that, though. Everything...the war..."
The fucking war. The word still feels strange to Sirius. James had been full of fire from the word go, eager to fight the good fight. Sirius, on the other hand, had been almost blasé, laughing about the possibility of a war, an actual war. It's more than just rumours by now though, a few attacks have been made. It seems surreal somehow, that there are people out there who run around in their hoods and their masks and kill in the name of some pure blood nutter, leaving a horrific green snake-and-skull motif - fucking Slytherins, Sirius had joked when this had first surfaced as a whispered rumour - hovering over the shattered households.
It's all too real though, and now Sirius is just as determined as James that he will fight. More determined, he sometimes thinks, because Sirius knows he is probably related to some of the fuckers behind the masks and hoods and darkness. He pushes that thought aside and nods, staring into the fire.
"I'm going to fight," James says. "And Lily - Sirius, she's so brave, she wants to be involved too, and - this is real. People are dying, and - well, I might not get another chance."
"Don't fucking talk like that," Sirius orders sharply.
"Sirius - "
"Don't, James."
"Padfoot. I might not," James says simply and Sirius bows his head, not agreeing, but not wanting to fight this fight with James again. He knows it's a real possibility that they won't all make it through the war alive, but he is damned if he will let anyone confront him with that fact.
"You think she'll say yes?" Sirius asks, leaning back and crossing his legs at the ankles.
"You know...I really think she might, Sirius," James says, with a smile that might be small, that might tremble slightly, but is bright and trembles with youth and fervency and hope.
"So..." Sirius says, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Do I get to plan the...stag night? Do I? Do I, Prongs?"
"Oh, subtlety!" James crows, throwing his head back. "Never saw that one coming a mile off with bells on. And of course you do. You're best man, right?"
Sirius is horrified to find himself choked by James' question. "Don't you think there's something you should ask Lily before we sort out that little detail?"
"Right," James says, setting the pieces up for a new game, signalling the conversation's end.
***
That night Sirius is leaning halfway out of the window smoking a cigarette when the dorm door opens and Remus stalks over to his bed. He drops his books on the floor with a lot less care than normal. Then he falls face first onto the bed and pulls the pillow over his head.
Sirius watches all this with a small grin and tosses his cigarette away, watching it fall in a flash of orange sparks.
"Good day at the library?" Sirius asks.
"F'k'ff," Remus grunts from beneath the pillow. Sirius crosses the dorm and tugs the pillow out of Remus' grip, running his fingers through Remus' hair. "Sirius. Stop. Your hands stink of smoke."
Sirius pulls his fingers free and crosses the room, utterly unaffected by Remus' brusque tone. The werewolf has been pushing himself even harder than usual this year, determined to do as well as possible, in spite of the handicaps facing him. Sirius leaves the door to the bathroom open and while he stands at the sink washing his hands, he calls back over his shoulder.
"Prongs is going to propose to Evans."
"What?" Sirius hears the rustle of sheets as Remus turns over and props himself up on his elbows. "Really?"
"Yeah," Sirius says, shaking water off his hands before rubbing them against the thighs of his jeans to dry them. He resumes his seat on Remus' bed, his fingers tangling in Remus' hair again. Remus slumps down onto the bed, watching the dark finger-shaped smudges of dampness on Sirius' jeans for a moment before closing his eyes as Sirius' fingertips dig harder into his scalp.
"Wow," Remus says. "Mrs. Potter, eh?"
"Yeah. But not a word, she doesn't actually know yet."
"So..."
"Yeah," Sirius says, twirling a lock of Remus' hair around his finger and tugging.
"You alright, Padfoot?" Remus asks, opening his eyes and pushing himself up again to look at Sirius, who promptly slides down the bed a little bit to lean against Remus.
"Yeah."
"Sure?"
"Yeah."
"Liar."
"...yeah."
"What is it, then?" Remus asks, snaking one arm around Sirius and hugging him. "I thought you liked Lily."
"I do. I even told James she was good for him."
"Well, then?"
"It's not fair," Sirius says, hating the whiny note in his voice, the way he can feel his lips forming a pout.
"What's not?"
"I - we have - we're no different from them."
"Um... We are a bit," Remus says, starting to feel lost.
"No we're not. We have - We mean as much to each other as Lily and James do."
"We do?" Remus asks, his heart thumping suddenly.
Sirius moves away abruptly and sits on the edge of Remus' bed.
"Don't we?" He asks, a challenge in his voice.
"I don't know."
"You know everything, Remus," Sirius snaps, and his voice is oddly cold.
"Not - Not this," Remus says weakly, sitting up properly and nudging his knee against Sirius' back until he turns and looks at him. Sirius bites his lip and then, reasoning that he's always been the brave, if a little foolhardy, one, takes a breath and prepares to speak.
"You are," he says slowly, "the single most important thing in my life. I - er - think I might sort of be in love with you."
"Oh," Remus says softly, stunned. They've never mentioned love before, and Remus has never allowed himself to think it.
"Just 'oh'?" Sirius demands incredulously.
"No," Remus says quickly. "No, definitely not just 'oh'. I love you." He grabs Sirius' arm and tries to pull him closer but Sirius tenses all his muscles and resists the movement.
"You don't have to say it just because I did," he says carefully.
"You think I would do that?" Remus asks.
"Honestly? Yes," Sirius says flatly.
"Well - " Remus is momentarily flummoxed. "Well I'm not. I do. I mean - " Remus breaks off, bending his head a little to force Sirius into eye contact. "I love you."
"Really?" Sirius asks urgently, seeking out Remus' fingers with his own and clinging tightly. "Really really? Because that's...I want that so much, Moony."
"Really," Remus says firmly.
"Good," Sirius says, smiling widely and bringing Remus' hand up to his lips, kissing his knuckles. "Good, then." Sirius makes an exaggerated show of pulling Remus to him, reeling him in for a slow kiss.
Remus sighs happily into Sirius' mouth and hooks an arm around his neck, but he can tell something is bothering the other boy.
"What?" he asks, pulling back with a last peck to Sirius' lower lip.
"Just - nothing," Sirius says, reaching for Remus again. "C'mere."
"Tell me," Remus demands, twining their fingers together idly.
"I can't explain."
"Try."
"Well - James and Lily are in love, right?"
"Right."
"And they're going to get married and have scruffy haired little demons and everyone'll think it's wonderful and say how happy they are for them and what a wonderful couple they make and - "
"Padfoot," Remus breaks into the flow. "Are you jealous?"
"Yes. No. Sort of."
"Thanks for clearing that up," Remus says, flicking the back of Sirius' hand with his fingernail.
"I don't want scruffy haired demons," Sirius assures him quickly. "And I don't want to get married or anything, but - I - for fuck's sake, I feel like a girl."
"Spit it out, Padfoot," Remus advises sincerely.
"Right, well... If I love you," Sirius says carefully, "and you love me, then - you just - you make me happy," Sirius bursts out. "You make me so happy and I want people to know that." He feels Remus tense up and presses on. "Not the whole world. I just hate lying to James and Pete."
"So..."
"So I want to tell them. And - " Sirius breaks off suddenly, an idea forming in his head so suddenly, so perfectly, like it's just been waiting for him to think it. His mind whirls for a minute, and he's fearful because Remus is so...so within himself sometimes. Steeling his resolve, Sirius takes a deep breath and looks Remus in the eye. "Live with me."
"Sirius, I can't afford - " Remus starts gently.
"Don't, don't, don't," Sirius pleads. "Don't say no. Don't think about money, or your parents, or our friends. Just you'n'me, Moony."
"I - "
"Please," Sirius says, suddenly terrified. "Please say yes, Remus. You and me, like it should be."
"Yes."
Remus looks almost surprised that the word has come out of his mouth, but he doesn't try to take it back, just squeezes Sirius' hand and repeats himself.
>>part 2
Series: Grown-Up Things
Chapter: Proposals (1/3)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Everyone has to grow up sometime. Fluff, fluff, glorious fluff!
Notes: My friends are all having babies and applying for mortgages and getting grown up jobs. This is, naturally, v. unsettling, and I like to spread it around via fic.
Words: About 2000
"I've been thinking," James says suddenly, prodding a pawn forward.
Sirius looks up at him with a wry smile. "Thought I heard a creaking noise." His finger wanders through the air from piece to piece, hovering just above them.
"Ha-bloody-ha," James snorts. "I've been thinking about proposing."
Sirius looks up so sharply it's almost comical. "To Lily?" He asks dumbly.
"Who the fuck else?" James asks, a dangerous glint entering his eye that Sirius recognises as meaning James is not joking around one little bit.
"No, I mean - alright, so that was a stupid question. How long've you been thinking that?" Sirius asks, finally moving a knight.
"Few weeks," James says, staring at the board. Sirius is impressed. If James has been thinking about something for a few weeks and not just gone ahead and done it already, it means he's very serious indeed.
"What'll you do if she says no?" Sirius asks.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Black," James frowns, making his move.
"I just mean - you know - you haven't even been going out a year yet - we're still at school - she doesn't seem that..."
"That what?" James demands, his eyes flashing dangerously again.
"Shit," Sirius mumbles. "She doesn't seem that - er - y'know - "
"No," James says carefully. "I don't."
"Romantic. You know. She still calls you 'Potter' half the time. She punches you as often as she kisses you."
"You think I shouldn't?" James asks and Sirius looks at him in surprise. It has been a long time since James has asked for advice on Lily Evans in anything other than a strictly rhetorical fashion.
"Do you want to?"
"Yes," James says fervently. "Merlin, Sirius. I love her." At Sirius' steady gaze, James shakes his head. "No, I mean I really love her. And it's not just that she's Lily Evans and she makes my head go stupid. We talk. I never wanted to talk to her before."
"God, mate," Sirius can't help but grin.
"No - Shit, you know what I mean. I never thought she'd be such a good friend."
Sirius clamps down fiercely on a tiny flare of jealousy. Abruptly, he knocks his king over, ignoring its wail of protest.
"This conversation is not aided by chess," he says mildly. James nods, relieved and leans back in his armchair.
"What d'you think?" James asks, looking Sirius directly in the eye. "Really."
"Really?" Sirius pauses for a moment. "I don't think it's an entirely terrible idea. Evans is...Merlin help me, she's good for you, mate. Balances you a bit."
"I don't need balancing," James protests. "But yeah," he admits, with a wide grin. "She really does. It's not just that, though. Everything...the war..."
The fucking war. The word still feels strange to Sirius. James had been full of fire from the word go, eager to fight the good fight. Sirius, on the other hand, had been almost blasé, laughing about the possibility of a war, an actual war. It's more than just rumours by now though, a few attacks have been made. It seems surreal somehow, that there are people out there who run around in their hoods and their masks and kill in the name of some pure blood nutter, leaving a horrific green snake-and-skull motif - fucking Slytherins, Sirius had joked when this had first surfaced as a whispered rumour - hovering over the shattered households.
It's all too real though, and now Sirius is just as determined as James that he will fight. More determined, he sometimes thinks, because Sirius knows he is probably related to some of the fuckers behind the masks and hoods and darkness. He pushes that thought aside and nods, staring into the fire.
"I'm going to fight," James says. "And Lily - Sirius, she's so brave, she wants to be involved too, and - this is real. People are dying, and - well, I might not get another chance."
"Don't fucking talk like that," Sirius orders sharply.
"Sirius - "
"Don't, James."
"Padfoot. I might not," James says simply and Sirius bows his head, not agreeing, but not wanting to fight this fight with James again. He knows it's a real possibility that they won't all make it through the war alive, but he is damned if he will let anyone confront him with that fact.
"You think she'll say yes?" Sirius asks, leaning back and crossing his legs at the ankles.
"You know...I really think she might, Sirius," James says, with a smile that might be small, that might tremble slightly, but is bright and trembles with youth and fervency and hope.
"So..." Sirius says, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Do I get to plan the...stag night? Do I? Do I, Prongs?"
"Oh, subtlety!" James crows, throwing his head back. "Never saw that one coming a mile off with bells on. And of course you do. You're best man, right?"
Sirius is horrified to find himself choked by James' question. "Don't you think there's something you should ask Lily before we sort out that little detail?"
"Right," James says, setting the pieces up for a new game, signalling the conversation's end.
***
That night Sirius is leaning halfway out of the window smoking a cigarette when the dorm door opens and Remus stalks over to his bed. He drops his books on the floor with a lot less care than normal. Then he falls face first onto the bed and pulls the pillow over his head.
Sirius watches all this with a small grin and tosses his cigarette away, watching it fall in a flash of orange sparks.
"Good day at the library?" Sirius asks.
"F'k'ff," Remus grunts from beneath the pillow. Sirius crosses the dorm and tugs the pillow out of Remus' grip, running his fingers through Remus' hair. "Sirius. Stop. Your hands stink of smoke."
Sirius pulls his fingers free and crosses the room, utterly unaffected by Remus' brusque tone. The werewolf has been pushing himself even harder than usual this year, determined to do as well as possible, in spite of the handicaps facing him. Sirius leaves the door to the bathroom open and while he stands at the sink washing his hands, he calls back over his shoulder.
"Prongs is going to propose to Evans."
"What?" Sirius hears the rustle of sheets as Remus turns over and props himself up on his elbows. "Really?"
"Yeah," Sirius says, shaking water off his hands before rubbing them against the thighs of his jeans to dry them. He resumes his seat on Remus' bed, his fingers tangling in Remus' hair again. Remus slumps down onto the bed, watching the dark finger-shaped smudges of dampness on Sirius' jeans for a moment before closing his eyes as Sirius' fingertips dig harder into his scalp.
"Wow," Remus says. "Mrs. Potter, eh?"
"Yeah. But not a word, she doesn't actually know yet."
"So..."
"Yeah," Sirius says, twirling a lock of Remus' hair around his finger and tugging.
"You alright, Padfoot?" Remus asks, opening his eyes and pushing himself up again to look at Sirius, who promptly slides down the bed a little bit to lean against Remus.
"Yeah."
"Sure?"
"Yeah."
"Liar."
"...yeah."
"What is it, then?" Remus asks, snaking one arm around Sirius and hugging him. "I thought you liked Lily."
"I do. I even told James she was good for him."
"Well, then?"
"It's not fair," Sirius says, hating the whiny note in his voice, the way he can feel his lips forming a pout.
"What's not?"
"I - we have - we're no different from them."
"Um... We are a bit," Remus says, starting to feel lost.
"No we're not. We have - We mean as much to each other as Lily and James do."
"We do?" Remus asks, his heart thumping suddenly.
Sirius moves away abruptly and sits on the edge of Remus' bed.
"Don't we?" He asks, a challenge in his voice.
"I don't know."
"You know everything, Remus," Sirius snaps, and his voice is oddly cold.
"Not - Not this," Remus says weakly, sitting up properly and nudging his knee against Sirius' back until he turns and looks at him. Sirius bites his lip and then, reasoning that he's always been the brave, if a little foolhardy, one, takes a breath and prepares to speak.
"You are," he says slowly, "the single most important thing in my life. I - er - think I might sort of be in love with you."
"Oh," Remus says softly, stunned. They've never mentioned love before, and Remus has never allowed himself to think it.
"Just 'oh'?" Sirius demands incredulously.
"No," Remus says quickly. "No, definitely not just 'oh'. I love you." He grabs Sirius' arm and tries to pull him closer but Sirius tenses all his muscles and resists the movement.
"You don't have to say it just because I did," he says carefully.
"You think I would do that?" Remus asks.
"Honestly? Yes," Sirius says flatly.
"Well - " Remus is momentarily flummoxed. "Well I'm not. I do. I mean - " Remus breaks off, bending his head a little to force Sirius into eye contact. "I love you."
"Really?" Sirius asks urgently, seeking out Remus' fingers with his own and clinging tightly. "Really really? Because that's...I want that so much, Moony."
"Really," Remus says firmly.
"Good," Sirius says, smiling widely and bringing Remus' hand up to his lips, kissing his knuckles. "Good, then." Sirius makes an exaggerated show of pulling Remus to him, reeling him in for a slow kiss.
Remus sighs happily into Sirius' mouth and hooks an arm around his neck, but he can tell something is bothering the other boy.
"What?" he asks, pulling back with a last peck to Sirius' lower lip.
"Just - nothing," Sirius says, reaching for Remus again. "C'mere."
"Tell me," Remus demands, twining their fingers together idly.
"I can't explain."
"Try."
"Well - James and Lily are in love, right?"
"Right."
"And they're going to get married and have scruffy haired little demons and everyone'll think it's wonderful and say how happy they are for them and what a wonderful couple they make and - "
"Padfoot," Remus breaks into the flow. "Are you jealous?"
"Yes. No. Sort of."
"Thanks for clearing that up," Remus says, flicking the back of Sirius' hand with his fingernail.
"I don't want scruffy haired demons," Sirius assures him quickly. "And I don't want to get married or anything, but - I - for fuck's sake, I feel like a girl."
"Spit it out, Padfoot," Remus advises sincerely.
"Right, well... If I love you," Sirius says carefully, "and you love me, then - you just - you make me happy," Sirius bursts out. "You make me so happy and I want people to know that." He feels Remus tense up and presses on. "Not the whole world. I just hate lying to James and Pete."
"So..."
"So I want to tell them. And - " Sirius breaks off suddenly, an idea forming in his head so suddenly, so perfectly, like it's just been waiting for him to think it. His mind whirls for a minute, and he's fearful because Remus is so...so within himself sometimes. Steeling his resolve, Sirius takes a deep breath and looks Remus in the eye. "Live with me."
"Sirius, I can't afford - " Remus starts gently.
"Don't, don't, don't," Sirius pleads. "Don't say no. Don't think about money, or your parents, or our friends. Just you'n'me, Moony."
"I - "
"Please," Sirius says, suddenly terrified. "Please say yes, Remus. You and me, like it should be."
"Yes."
Remus looks almost surprised that the word has come out of his mouth, but he doesn't try to take it back, just squeezes Sirius' hand and repeats himself.
>>part 2